1. Honoring Your Mother-in-Law Is Only Right
Though she didn't raise you, she raised your husband. If you love your husband, you must understand a son's feelings toward his mother and join him in respecting her. You have parents too—would you be happy if your husband argued with or ignored them? So give your mother-in-law more smiles and spend time chatting with her. Treat his mother well, and he will naturally treat your mother well in return.In my view, the protagonist Lijuan in the book is actually a rather tragic figure. She's a good person, but her sharp tongue and insistence on arguing her point made Pingya's mother uncomfortable and led Pingya to feel she lacked respect for his parents.Even if you feel comfortable with this communication style, remember elders have traditional values. Just as you wouldn't act overly affectionate in public, excessive displays of intimacy in front of your husband's mother show disrespect to others. While it's true that "this is your home, do as you please," when elders live there, discretion is still necessary.>When matters involving your in-laws arise—especially financial issues—you'll inevitably offer advice to your husband. But always consider his feelings and choose your words carefully. Even if you're deeply reluctant, avoid blunt refusal. Instead, gently explain your reasoning: let him know you'd gladly help but face constraints. Offer reassurance before suggesting solutions.
However, some expenses are beyond your control. For instance, if your father-in-law falls ill, they'll find a way to raise money for his treatment regardless of your contribution. Since you can't avoid it, be straightforward when giving money and show genuine willingness. Hand it directly to your mother-in-law. This approach pleases her, satisfies your husband, and ensures he'll consider your needs more in the future.But here’s a reminder for all daughters-in-law: Honoring your in-laws is expected—failing to do so invites ridicule. Extending this courtesy to distant relatives like aunts and uncles is only necessary if you’re rolling in cash.
4. Avoid bossing your husband around in front of your mother-in-law
This principle is straightforward. Consider the reverse: if your parents stayed with you and your husband constantly ordered you around, how would they feel? They'd likely assume their daughter was struggling and overworked at home.Especially in a society like China's, where male supremacy still persists, your mother-in-law will inevitably resent seeing you constantly bossing her son around. Her son can't assert himself at home and is being ordered about by a woman—who wouldn't feel resentful? Once you're out of her sight, you can boss him around all you want, just don't let her see it.
V. Show Thoughtfulness in Your Mother-in-Law's Daily Life
Whether genuine or feigned, putting in the effort on the surface is essential. This will also earn your husband's respect for you. When buying something for your own mother, consider getting one for your mother-in-law too.Pay close attention to her daily needs: Is she cold or hot? Craving something? Wanting to do something? Find time to fulfill her wishes. Unless she's ill, she won't cost you much. Most mothers-in-law love their sons more than life itself and genuinely want your happiness—they won't splurge your money. As she grows older and feels lonely, even small gestures of care will stay with her forever.
VI. Make Time to Listen to Her Chatter
Many daughters-in-law treat their mothers-in-law with respectful distance—if you can't beat 'em, avoid 'em. But for those living under the same roof, avoidance is impossible.So just steel yourself. Occasionally cheer her up—elderly folks love company for conversation. If you have time, listen to her ramble. Let her talk; it's mostly about her son anyway.
Let her talk about the hardships of raising him, the journey of his growth. As you listen, nod along and say things like, "Mom, you've really been through a lot. I'll make sure to take good care of you." What's the harm in saying something nice? It's just a few words. Whether you follow through or not is secondary; what matters is saying it. You need to make her feel that you're family, that with you, she gains a daughter—not a woman who stole her son.
VII. There's Nothing Wrong with Laying It Out Plainly
Before your mother-in-law arrives, it's best to reach a mutual understanding with your husband. Before living together, many daughters-in-law think their mothers-in-law are quite nice, but conflicts often arise once they cohabit. First, understand that living together inevitably brings friction. Even living with your own mother can sometimes lead to disagreements, let alone with your mother-in-law.
However, certain fundamental principles—such as your inability to rise early, your capacity to handle daily chores, or your rejection of patriarchal attitudes in your marriage—should be discussed with your husband before his mother arrives. Have him explain these expectations to her beforehand. Furthermore, if certain aspects of cohabitation become truly unbearable, don’t endure them silently. Have your husband address these issues with his mother.
8. Let bygones be bygones
Living together, minor friction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is inevitable. An occasional harsh word or upsetting incident—let it go. Don't dwell on it. If your own mother criticized you, you'd likely forget it in two days.To some extent, mothers-in-law can be a bit like parents. They might occasionally feel the need to lecture you. If you're willing to listen, hear them out; if not, pretend you didn't hear. At worst, you can reason with her.
Once you've had your say, let it go. Staying harmonious keeps you family. Giving the cold shoulder is never wise—it puts your husband in a tough spot, makes your mother-in-law think you're unreasonable, and leaves you feeling resentful. Unless it's a major principle, don't sweat the small stuff.Of course, I’d like to remind you that it’s best to avoid having your in-laws move in altogether. Many conflicts arise from minor daily matters. If cohabitation is unavoidable, prepare yourself mentally—don’t approach it solely from your own perspective.