I'm a girl who just graduated from college and has been working for a year. During my time at school, I got to know a male teacher. I always saw him as a teacher—his daughter is even older than me. His family lives abroad and rarely comes back; he's the only one left in China.
He has a leg condition that makes moving difficult, so he often asks trusted students to help with household chores. I'd help him mop the floors and such, and he'd invite us to stay for meals. Gradually, we became quite close. Occasionally, he'd touch my chest in a joking manner—sometimes I could dodge it, other times I'd be caught off guard. But he was my teacher, so I dared not say anything. He didn't do it all the time, and over time, I grew to trust him.
We didn't keep in touch much for the first six months after graduation. I'd just send him occasional holiday greetings. Later, when I planned to visit classmates in the same city, I messaged him to see if he had time. If so, we'd drop by together. He seemed happy about it, so my classmates and I went to his place.
After that visit, he started messaging me more often. Some family issues came up, and since I trusted him, I asked him about things I didn't understand. Soon, he was calling me every day. Gradually, I found myself looking forward to his calls. He always said I was his closest family member in China. I was naive and believed what he said.
Later, I visited him a few more times with classmates. When it got late, we'd stay overnight at his place.But during those visits, he'd always chat with me while holding me close. I didn't say anything and grew accustomed to it. It wasn't unpleasant, but I never considered anything more.
Later, he asked me to visit alone and stay at his place, so I didn't leave. That night, he told me to sleep first while he worked late.I thought he'd sleep in another bed, but near midnight he came over to mine. He tried to hug me, so I dodged him. After that, he didn't touch me and just slept himself. When I woke up in the morning, he came to hug me again. I couldn't dodge him, so I turned my back to him. He held me, and his hands weren't staying put. I kept pushing his hands away. Later, he stopped touching me and just held me.After a while, I said I had to leave early for work. He got up to make breakfast for me. Then I left his place. I don't know if I fell for him. I loved how he held me, just being still together, but I hated it when he touched me.
After leaving his place, I felt I'd made a mistake. If this kept up, something bad would happen. So I texted him saying I only saw him as family and didn't want this anymore.He texted back saying sorry, promising it wouldn't happen again. After that, he rarely called me. Suddenly, not hearing from him felt unbearable. I'd wait for his calls every day.
I forced myself not to contact him. I knew continuing like this was impossible, but I still thought about him constantly. Just when I'd finally stopped dwelling on him, he called to check on me. There was no trace of the old flirtatiousness though—just questions about my work and updates about his.
I'm torn. I don't know if I've fallen for him. I've never been in love before, so I don't know what it feels like. I want to stop contacting him, but I can't bring myself to do it.
If I do reach out again and exchange normal, caring words with him, he'll inevitably slip into those ambiguous remarks. I know he's still flirting with other female students.I don't know if someone like this is worth trusting, or worth keeping as a friend. I want to ask you what I should do?
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Reply:
In this world, there's another group of men who love to take liberties.
What is "greasing"?
Long ago in Huizhou, there lived a wealthy yet miserly landowner obsessed with appearances. Though he ate only bland vegetables and tofu daily, he’d smear pork fat on his lips after meals, then stand gleaming at his gate proclaiming, "My family feasted on braised pork in lard today!" This man was the original master of greasing.
Lu Xun specifically discussed "oil-rubbing"—a secretive act that is simultaneously brazen and trivial theft. Men's frivolous advances toward women are also oil-rubbing, objectifying women like commodities or money to gain benefits, implicitly reflecting society's discrimination and disrespect toward women.Why do men love to take advantage? First, it brings excitement. Taking advantage is essentially stealing. As the saying goes, "Stealing is better than paying for it"—the thrill lies in the act of theft.
Second, the consequences of groping are rarely severe. Gropers typically engage in minor transgressions—harmless enough not to inflict fatal damage on the victim, thus carrying little risk or repercussion. This naturally fosters a sense of impunity.
Third, it stems from men's instinctive response to women.Men without moral restraint indulge their instincts, while morally upright men consciously restrain themselves despite inner desires.
So, what kind of men engage in groping? In my view, men who grope are often frustrated men who cannot find satisfaction through legitimate means. Another type consists of morally deficient men who lack ethical constraints and give free rein to their impulses.Yet another type of groper is the pervert. They derive pleasure solely from stealing and groping.
So when a man tells you dirty jokes, gives you suggestive looks, or makes intimate gestures, don't misinterpret it—he's just groping. He's merely seeking to satisfy his own pleasure. Therefore, if a woman mistakes a man's groping for a sign of love, that's truly tragic.
Returning to your question: this man who calls you "teacher" (thus tarnishing the profession's reputation) is utterly sleazy. He's only after a quick fix. Get away from this old, disgusting man immediately. Don't talk about love—he's not interested in love with you. Don't talk about friendship—he's not worthy of your friendship.