Minmin is in eighth grade this year. She serves as the class study representative and has always maintained strong academic performance. With ninth grade and the high school entrance exams approaching, both teachers and parents hope she can sustain her excellent study habits to secure admission to a top high school. Yet, for reasons unknown, Minmin's test scores have dropped in two consecutive exams over the past few months, and her focus has waned. Her teacher called her parents in to ask what might be happening at home.Her parents were equally puzzled, as nothing unusual had occurred at home. When asked, Minmin also couldn't pinpoint the cause, only mentioning feeling emotionally weighed down and generally unhappy lately.
Speaking of unhappiness, her mother shared similar sentiments. As a full-time homemaker, Mom had always been in charge of household arrangements. Highly capable, she had managed the home flawlessly over the years and raised her daughter exceptionally well.Dad was immensely proud to have such a capable wife. Everyone said Mom contributed the most to the household, and she herself felt quite accomplished. However, over the past six months, Mom noticed a change in her once-obedient daughter, who now frequently contradicted her. Tasks Mom assigned—like putting clothes and shoes away in their designated spots or drying hands with a towel after washing—were often deliberately ignored or left undone.Mom felt her long-established authority at home was being challenged. Each time, she would criticize her daughter and demand she correct her behavior. Unexpectedly, her daughter would ignore her and continue doing things her own way. Mom, feeling helpless, would eventually just tidy up herself.
Arriving at the counseling room, the mother and daughter continued their heated argument, each convinced they were right and wronged. The counselor identified the core issue: the once-obedient daughter was growing up. As a teenager entering a phase of psychological rebellion, she needed to break free from parental constraints to prove her maturity.The mother, unaware of her daughter's development, felt her authority challenged and vented her frustration through criticism. Though these were trivial matters, their daily friction poisoned the family atmosphere and strained their bond—even affecting the child's studies. Positive emotions like joy and relaxation enhance learning, while negative feelings like anger and resentment hinder it.
To resolve this conflict, the mother must first recognize her daughter's maturity. Adolescents require greater respect and autonomy; she should learn to trust her child. Secondly, while the mother believes rules are essential, they need not be rigid.In many contentious matters, both mother and daughter share the same goal—they simply disagree on the approach. They can find common ground through mutual accommodation. For instance, both agree that clothes and shoes should be put away, but the daughter doesn't have to place them exactly where her mother specifies; she can find a suitable spot herself. Similarly, the daughter isn't opposed to drying her hands after washing them; she just believes sharing the same towel isn't hygienic. Moving forward, they can use paper towels instead.
For adolescents seeking independence, parents and children need only align on overarching goals while allowing the child to choose the means of achieving them. This approach respects the child's autonomy, making the process more acceptable, while maintaining open communication and ensuring parental guidance on life's major direction—what's not to like?