Bullying others is never an appropriate way for adolescents to develop character, but occasionally facing opposition or exclusion may offer benefits. A U.S. study reveals that adolescents remember instances of being bullied more vividly than memories of being treated kindly. If teens have the courage to stand up to their bullies, such experiences can help them cultivate social skills and emotional control.
The Benefits of Fighting Back
Psychologists at the University of California, Los Angeles, surveyed 2,000 elementary and middle school students aged 11-12 about their friendly and hostile relationships. When faced with peers who disliked them, some children reciprocated with dislike; others chose silence or reconciliation.
Comparing these two groups, researchers found that children who "fought fire with fire" exhibited the most mature psychological state.Girls who retaliated scored significantly higher on social skills tests and were more popular in class and school. Among boys, those who fought back outperformed passive sufferers in classroom behavior.
Researchers emphasized that this study does not promote being bullied as healthy, but such experiences teach teens early on that not everyone will like them and how to resolve conflicts.
A Widespread Phenomenon
In reality, being disliked by peers is common among adolescents.
Noel Card, a psychologist at the University of Arizona, published findings in the latest issue of the journal Developmental Psychology. Analyzing results from 26 experiments involving over 23,000 participants, he revealed that more than 35% of adolescents have experienced at least one "hostile relationship" with peers.
Researchers at the University of Strathclyde in the UK surveyed 100 adolescents aged 9 to 13, asking them about instances of bullying and kindness they experienced.
Donald Christie, a professor of child studies involved in the research, remarked: "When we asked children to recount instances of unkindness and experiences of hostility, they remembered them vividly—so much so that we couldn't keep up with recording them.But when it came to others' kindness and consideration, our records were blank."
"Children described by peers as 'prosocial'—those who stand up for classmates—are better at turning hostility into friendship," Christie said. "They demonstrate stronger learning and comprehension abilities than others."