Today's parents, especially new ones, place great emphasis on learning. They strive to raise their children using the most scientific methods, so many begin reading books as soon as they become pregnant: developmental milestones for each stage of pregnancy, necessary nutritional supplements, important precautions... Even when children are very young (especially under one year old), mothers closely follow knowledge related to all aspects of their child's growth and development.It's fair to say that mothers are generally attentive to scientific methods in tangible aspects, striving to meet their child's developmental needs and provide adequate nutrition. However, as children grow older—especially after age two—when developmental milestones become less pronounced and self-awareness emerges, some mothers neglect further learning. They rely on intuition or habitual practices, failing to adequately address their child's psychological development and educational needs.Maintaining a child's psychological well-being and establishing sound educational principles are equally vital as physical health. Numerous books now address child education and psychology, exploring questions like: "Should we read more books? Should we understand our child's inner world? Can we raise children strictly by following books and experts' advice?" These topics have been consistently discussed among mothers in blogs.Personally, before becoming a mother, I knew nothing about parenting knowledge, child psychology, or education. So I learned mostly through books—I could be considered one of those parents who "raise children by the book." While health-related books dominated during pregnancy and infancy, I later focused primarily on child psychology and education books. Out of genuine interest, I delved into these subjects quite deeply.So I'll boldly share my perspective—though we're not advocating rigidly following textbooks. Rather, we're exploring how parents should approach learning. Should we study? Does it make a significant difference? I know an exceptional individual raised in a remote mountain village whose illiterate mother raised siblings who excelled both academically and in character. Does this mean you can raise good children without studying?This time, host Xiaoqun and I specifically explored this topic. Not long ago, I recommended some parenting books to moms on my blog. Many friends left comments sharing their thoughts after reading them. From these comments and my exchanges with some mom bloggers, it's clear that on the question of "whether to read books and study parenting," there are currently three types of parents: Type One: Those who gain sudden insight after reading and studying. Quoting a comment from a mom blogger on my blog: "Thank you so much for your recommendations!"I recently devoured Love and Freedom, Capturing Children's Sensitive Periods, and Who Stole Our Children's Happiness. They left a deep impression on me, and I feel so guilty toward my child.My daughter is now four years and eight months old. Many of the stubborn, seemingly unreasonable behaviors described in the books have played out in her. Yet so many times, I stopped her with an iron-willed attitude, even taking pride in it as proof that I wasn't spoiling her!I feel so sorry for my child! When she was born, I knew to learn from books, trying to understand and care for her. But after she turned one, I abandoned that approach, feeling my way in the dark. All this time spent fumbling through the night has cost her so many wonderful experiences and crucial growth opportunities. My regret is beyond words! Like this fellow mom online, being able to deeply reflect on one's actions and commit to learning is truly valuable.Many more parents only turn to learning, reflection, and problem-solving when their child shows signs of trouble. By then, it's painful for both parent and child.
${FDPageBreak}Type Two: Naturally Good Parents Blogger Mingjing once commented: "I've hardly ever read parenting books systematically because society and life have already taught me so much. Every day's experiences and readings—whether related to parenting or not—I reflect on earnestly and apply to my daily parenting."Later, when I sporadically read parenting books and articles, I found they largely aligned with my approach—heh. Since I interact with Mingjing frequently, I understand her parenting methods and consistent philosophy well, which closely match the modern parenting perspectives advocated in books. I know others like her too—people who instinctively know how to do things right without formal study.Such parents instinctively adopt practices aligned with their children's developmental needs because their inner selves resonate with the child's spirit. A child's inner world is the purest, untouched by pollution or distortion—it's closest to the essence of humanity. These individuals either possess a well-preserved innate nature or have cultivated their inner selves through self-cultivation, enabling them to understand human nature and, consequently, children.My dear friend across generations, children's author Zhao Ming, is such a person. Her heart is as sunny and pure as a child's, and spending time with her fills me with genuine affection.Since I need to read books to understand children, I deeply admire Ms. Zhao. She always knows what children are thinking and how to interact with them in ways that bring them the most joy. She herself possesses an abundance of fresh and fascinating ideas—a senior who retains a childlike spirit, loves learning, and radiates vitality.Type Three: Knowing What to Do but Failing to Act Another blogger, Tutu, shared an insightful comment: "We have most of the books, but my husband says having books doesn't mean you've read them seriously. Even if you have read them, it doesn't mean you can put them into practice. I have to admit he's right."The most frustrating part is that as my child grows older, my words and actions increasingly mirror the very mistakes described in parenting books. I understand the principles intellectually, but when faced with situations, anger overpowers reason, and patience vanishes entirely. Reflecting on this, perhaps what I need to improve isn't parenting knowledge or theory, but personal cultivation—my own self-discipline.In practice, all reasonable parenting approaches must be grounded in tolerance and patience. Just thinking about this makes me feel discouraged again. I'm actually this type of parent myself. Though I've learned many parenting concepts through study, when I'm not in a good state, I often unconsciously fall back into behaviors I know are wrong. So I need to constantly remind myself and keep improving. This is really the process of parents and children growing together.The Three Stages of Parental Learning: From the above analysis, we can see that parents who prioritize learning and focus on their child's growth typically go through these three stages (my own journey mirrored this progression):Stage One: Learning to solve the child's problems Stage Two: Realizing the child's problems are actually the parent's problems Stage Three: Recognizing the need for parental self-improvement and growing alongside the child Truthfully, every parent should be grateful to their child. Children act like mirrors—through them, we see our own issues most clearly. They motivate us to keep learning and improving ourselves.Once we achieve inner growth, our parent-child relationship and family dynamics will naturally reach the harmony and fulfillment we deeply desire.