On September 13th, at Buji Middle School in Longgang, Shenzhen, a 16-year-old boy left evening study hall to buy a cup of milk tea for a girl in his class. Unexpectedly, the girl immediately reported him to their homeroom teacher, who summoned the boy, surnamed Chen, to the office for a reprimand. That same night, Chen jumped to his death from the school building.
Such incidents always evoke deep sorrow. While the girl and teacher may have handled the situation improperly, the boy's psychological resilience was also a contributing factor to this tragedy. To prevent such tragedies, parents and teachers must actively cultivate children's psychological resilience.
How to Cultivate Children's Resilience
1. Foster independence and problem-solving skills. Research indicates that a lack of independence, confidence, courage, and ability to overcome challenges is the root cause of poor resilience. Therefore, parents should allow children to make personal decisions and handle their own affairs whenever possible. As long as it's not harmful and the child is capable, let them decide and act independently.
2. Offer praise appropriately. Many children grow up in environments saturated with excessive praise. Even when children do something they should, those around them shower them with compliments; when children make mistakes, parents often shield them out of affection. This fosters self-centeredness, stubbornness, and vanity, leading children to fuss over minor issues. Such children naturally struggle to withstand life's difficulties and setbacks.
III. Provide timely psychological guidance. Children inevitably face psychological pressures during growth—poor grades, threats, insults, physical abuse, family misfortunes, etc. When this happens, parents offering necessary psychological guidance helps children develop a healthy perspective on life's setbacks, thereby strengthening their resilience.
IV. Conduct purposeful psychological training. Like physical health, mental resilience can be strengthened through targeted exercises. "Failure education" or "error tolerance training" is crucial for cultivating psychological endurance. Present challenging problems when children succeed, offer encouragement during setbacks and disappointments, and teach them to approach life and competition with a calm, natural mindset. This prepares them to weather future storms on their life journey.
V. Manage children's emotions to overcome setbacks and adversity. Recognizing and regulating emotions fosters emotional stability, forming a crucial foundation for resilience. Parents must first master emotional self-control, ensuring their negative moods do not affect children. Lead by example in teaching children to manage and regulate their own emotions.
VI. Provide children with healthy outlets for emotional expression. When children feel sad or frustrated, allow them to fully express their emotions—let them cry their hearts out. Avoid phrases like "Don't cry, don't cry" or "Boys don't cry." Instead, say: "I know you're feeling very upset." Or say nothing at all—just hold them. For children over 4 or 5 who can be alone, give them space and time to process their emotions. Gently close the door behind them.
In summary, parents and teachers should not treat children as "little emperors" or "little princesses." Instead, cultivate their well-rounded personalities and resilience, teaching them to face life's setbacks and failures with optimism and openness.