In Western developed countries, parents place great emphasis on their baby's gender from the very beginning. Immediately after giving birth, when shopping for baby supplies, they repeatedly stress to sales staff: "We had a boy—please don't sell us any items for girls." In fact, consciously nurturing a boy's "manly" qualities from an early age is highly beneficial for his personality development.
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【Case Study】
"Wah-wah," Baby Boy was crying again. Whenever something upset him, this little boy could only resort to tears. Though "Baby Mom" always teased him playfully about shedding "golden beans," she secretly worried—why didn't her son act more like a little man?Shouldn't real men hold back their tears?
So "Mom" turned to other moms online for advice, seeking their perspectives on this issue.
The Little Man in Mom's Eyes
□ When playing on the slide, he always lets the girls go first—such a gentleman!
□ He's brave in everyday life, trying games many kids his age won't dare to play.
□ Even with Mom, he's "thoughtful and considerate," always volunteering to help with chores.
□ When a friend falls down, he actively helps them up and says, "I fell down and didn't cry. Are you going to cry?"
□ When he sees a new kid crying or being bullied, he gently tries to comfort them.
□ Once, while Mom was organizing the bookshelf, a cockroach crawled out of the cabinet. Mom let out a startled scream, and he ran over saying, "Mom, where's the cockroach? I'll help you stomp it."
□ When playing alone, he bumped his head and cried out "Ouch!" He touched his head without crying, just saying, "That really hurt."
□ When we go shopping together, he always insists on carrying things, saying he's a little man who needs to take care of his mom.
□ Rain or shine, he insists on visiting neighbors daily—even after dinner—yet never catches colds and stays remarkably healthy.
In summary, the ideal little man in moms' eyes embodies these traits: courage, resilience, generosity, helpfulness, compassion, tolerance, and respect for women.
【Expert Commentary】
During infancy and early childhood, psychological states differ based on gender. Gender roles are socially defined, and babies learn what it means to be male or female from those around them. This is essentially the natural transition from being a "natural person" to a "social person."
When cultivating "manly" qualities, at least three key areas deserve emphasis:
1. Greater focus on developing boys' physical motor skills, including increased training in athletic abilities, agility, coordination, and strength.
This is an area often overlooked by parents today, yet it is critically important. Compared to boys of the same age in Western countries, Chinese boys consistently lag behind in physical motor development metrics.
2. In character education, greater emphasis should be placed on cultivating boys' strong willpower and resilience in the face of setbacks.
Ironically, in the mid-1990s, I conducted a questionnaire survey of nearly a thousand families in Wuhan and was surprised to find that boys were actually more prone to being spoiled and weak than girls.I attribute this to the lingering influence of traditional gender biases in adults' minds, leading parents—especially grandparents—to shower boys with disproportionate indulgence, which is far from ideal.
3. Greater emphasis is placed on nurturing boys' exploratory and creative potential.
Encourage them to think outside the box, imagine the unimaginable, and attempt the untried—fostering courage to explore, curiosity, pursuit, and adventure.
Here, the father's role becomes paramount. As renowned psychologist Gerdy stated: "A father's presence is a unique force with special power in nurturing a child."
From their fathers, boys first need to absorb the spiritual essence of the male world and the direction men pursue.Second, a father's wit, humor, generosity, and thoughtful nature subtly permeate the boy's heart, exerting profound influence. 【Cultivating Manliness in Action】 Most mothers view raising a boy to be manly as an essential, long-term endeavor. While not requiring deliberate effort, it should permeate parenting philosophies and practices.
Establishing Gender Identity
From the moment Ruochen understood, I taught him that if asked whether he was a boy or a girl, he should say "boy." I guided him to observe differences between boys and girls, highlighting the many advantages of being a boy and instilling pride in his masculinity. Beyond psychological gender education, I also helped him develop healthy physical hygiene habits.——Listen to the Wind Sing 2001
Embedding in Daily Life
For instance, when my son fell down, I'd say: "Baby fell down, get up by yourself—you're a little man! Little men don't need help. Get up!" And he'd climb back up.
Similarly, when it comes to sleeping alone, not relying on others, and eating independently; as he grows older, discuss everything with him and encourage independent thinking. Avoid constantly saying "no" to your child's actions. When safety is assured, let go when you should. ——mika
Verbal Guidance
Though my baby is only 8 months old, his aunt already commented that he cries too much and isn't brave enough.Every time he cries, I ask him, "Be a man!" Though he doesn't understand, I truly hope he grows into a brave man! — Big Bull Mom
Husband as Role Model
In parenting, I make sure my husband demonstrates qualities a man should possess at appropriate moments, setting an example for Zhuangzhuang.——dandan1977
Happy Education Matters
I firmly believe a joyful boy has the capacity to grow into a true man. Play games he loves when we're together; respond positively to every question or topic he wants to discuss; often crouch down to see the world from his perspective; and regularly give him opportunities to make decisions.——Listen to the Wind Sing 2001
【Expert Insight】
In Western kindergartens, separate restrooms for boys and girls are standard; many activities also account for gender differences. This practice of "gender role affirmation"—where boys are boys and girls are girls—helps prevent future psychological issues like gender identity confusion.
We observe two phenomena in kindergarten play: First, children show a preference for same-sex playmates in group activities—boys tend to play and move with other boys. Second, boys occupy larger physical spaces during play or prefer outdoor activities, and they are more likely to engage in roughhousing, loud play, or pushing.
Therefore, parents should pay attention to the following situations:
1. If all the other boys around your son have toy guns but he doesn't, he will definitely ask you for one. If you refuse, he will turn every stick into a gun to use. Research shows that playing war games does not make children more aggressive; they do it for fun. Such games are likely no more aggressive than a soccer match. So, go ahead and buy him a toy gun.
2. Though boys struggle to stay still, they can patiently study mechanical devices, solving problems in their own way while muttering to themselves. Thus, buying them disassemblable cars, planes, or warships—along with toy tools like screwdrivers and hammers—is a wise choice.