BOY: We've always been taught "Ladies First," so when pursuing girlfriends, we try to be considerate—opening car doors for them, respecting their opinions. But now, whenever she shops, she expects me to pay without question. This is unsustainable long-term. What should I do?Dealing with a girlfriend like this is truly painful. She's probably been bombarded by ads. Please tell her that the couple in that commercial? They're long gone! The painful reality of a bottomless pit for spending is everywhere. If you don't rein in your girlfriend soon, you'll end up with a fiscal deficit like the government. Here are ten strategies to curb your girlfriend's shopping sprees. Just apply them three times a day, half an hour after meals, and you'll be safe!
Tactic #1: The Cunning Rabbit's Three Burrows
With this type of girlfriend, carrying cash is like strapping on a bomb. Quickly invest your money in real estate, stocks, bonds, or long-term deposits. Ideally, your wallet should only hold loose change—and you can tell her you're planning for the long-term future.
Tactic #2: The Ninja Turtle
Swiftly escape the bill-paying scene. Before the server arrives, suddenly claim a stomachache requiring a long bathroom break. Or receive an urgent call from your boss—let her cover the bill, then offer to split it with her. Cultivate her habit of paying her own way. Don't be shy—practice patience and restraint.
Tactic 3: Break It Down
Carry only small bills or coins. Even a $50 bill will do—preferably a crumpled, fishy-smelling one from the fishmonger or greengrocer. This will make your girlfriend feel awkward paying, and might even earn you disapproving stares from the staff.
Fourth Trick: Credit Card Debridement
Demagnetize her credit card to render it useless. Swipe it nonchalantly. When it gets declined, look utterly innocent and ask the clerk, "Do you accept phone cards?" How could she not pay herself then?
Tactic Five: Danger Zone
Avoid places where big spending happens. When she wants to shop at the mall, suggest an art exhibition or a countryside stroll instead. If she's planning a fancy dinner, claim stomach troubles and settle for plain congee and simple dishes. When she wants cosmetics, declare, "Natural beauty is best!" Just steer clear of those sinful spending traps.
Tactic 6: The Miserable World
Take her to an African refugee camp, or at least visit a homeless shelter.
Seventh Move: The Mainland Miracle
Seize opportunities to recount tales of hardship—like eating sweet potato rice during poverty—and extol the virtues of thrift. Emphasize how frugal, homemaking women earn men's admiration (though let's be honest, while admiration matters, men still pick partners based on looks first).
Eighth Move: Sabotage
Treat your girlfriend's shopping sprees as an enemy to be defeated. When she starts eyeing items, launch psychological warfare: "That's ugly," "That's tacky," "It doesn't suit you"—crush her shopping enthusiasm.
Ninth Move:Scorched Earth Tactics
Go on a massive shopping spree yourself, then make her survive on instant noodles for a month.
Tenth Move: The Defeated Soldier Strategy
Get a job at McDonald's, work night shifts, switch from driving an SUV to riding a motorcycle, then from a motorcycle to a bicycle, and finally to walking everywhere. Constantly remind her how hard you're working, making her understand the sacrifices you're making to earn enough for her.
Lastly, remember to rotate these ten tactics and use them flexibly. If you keep using Tactic #8 to sabotage her shopping, even if she doesn't dump you, she'll end up shopping with friends while cursing you as a "cheapskate, tasteless, and spineless." The more she shops, the happier she'll be; the more she curses, the more fluent she'll become—and it'll spiral out of control.