Throughout a man's life, it may seem like he must navigate many women, but in reality, the women he truly needs to manage are only seven or eight. Settle these seven or eight, and life becomes peaceful. Among them, the foremost is the spouse who shares every waking moment.
Self-deprecating and playful banter
can turn the mundane into magic and resolve conflicts with a smile, leaving warmth in the midst of tension between spouses.
Real-life account 1:
Whenever his cat fought with a neighbor's cat, Qian Zhongshu couldn't resist grabbing a long bamboo pole to help his own cat. His wife Yang Jiang expressed dissatisfaction, saying such behavior was unkind and could strain neighborly relations. Qian immediately wore a helpless expression: "I understand, but what can I do? Theory and practice always have a gap, you know."
Excerpt 2:
A friend's husband was extraordinarily obese. When I once asked how such a portly gentleman had won her heart, she replied that he knew how to "lay himself down" at the most crucial moments—a quality she found deeply satisfying.For instance, if he angered his wife and she stomped her feet, shouting, "Get out of my sight immediately!" he would calmly reply, "Disappearing is entirely possible, but 'immediately' might be unrealistic. Being this heavy, it'll take me a while to run away, don't you think?"
Real-life account 3:
Folding blankets was the only household chore painter Han Meilin handled at home.One day, for some reason, he delayed doing it. The next morning, when his nitpicky wife complained, the elderly Mr. Han stood silently by the bed, solemnly tugging and pulling the quilt into shape. Then he abruptly flipped it open: "That was yesterday's." Next, he bent down again with meticulous care: "Now, I'm folding today's."
hers comments:
Master Li Shutong, the monk in red, once said: When others slander me, rather than argue, I choose to endure; when others insult me, rather than guard against, I choose to transform. Observe those around you in daily life, and you'll notice: Facing troubles and embarrassments, losing wallets or taking a tumble, even committing unforgivable mistakes—some people lose far fewer life cells or aesthetic sensibilities than others. The reason? They are masters of self-deprecation. Not only do they lighten their own burdens, but they also spread this optimism to those around them. In this tumultuous world, regardless of circumstances, no one has an easier path to happiness. Those who can laugh at themselves in marriage are truly advanced. When they cannot change their fate, they can always change their attitude toward it.Their compromises and concessions are neither tricks nor cowardice, but a state of being. Their warmth and patience are neither flattery nor dependence, but absolute self-assurance.
The language unique to just the two of you
With whom you've shared the joy and intoxication of immersion, you've also shared an indivisible, untransferable treasure.
True Story:
Early in their marriage, Judy and her husband constantly clashed. He had a stubborn streak and could ignore her for weeks during cold wars. She, however, was a chatterbox. Days spent under the same roof, neither speaking to the other, felt like hell to her. During one particularly heated argument, just as he grabbed his clothes to storm out, Judy blurted out in panic:Oh, my workplace gave out some money today!" Perhaps the statement was so out of the blue that her husband couldn't help but laugh. Later, this phrase became an emotional reset button between them: whenever they argued and she was at a loss, saying "My workplace gave out some money today" would always make him laugh.One day while watching a Korean drama, I saw a couple at odds. The man drove with his eyes fixed straight ahead, oblivious to everything else. The woman beside him snapped, "Are you showing off how handsome you look from the side?" I chuckled—ha! That's definitely a high-level routine phrase! I wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone until you find your own go-to lines.
hers commentary:
The dictionary defines "routine" as an unchanging, regular ritual or activity. In other words, it involves repeating the same actions in exactly the same way. Its magic lies in imbuing such language with an almost sacred quality, drastically reducing the communication costs between spouses.Of course, it could be a single phrase, an annual walk at the same time and place, or a Sunday morning breakfast... Within it lies the shared intoxication of secret details and the joy of anticipating the expected outcome. With whom you've shared the pleasure and rapture of immersing yourselves in such moments, you possess an indivisible, untransferable treasure—and a bond as intimate as flesh and blood.