For women, conversation is a vital bond that sustains relationships. Especially between mothers and daughters, these chats often involve shared secrets and thoughtful details of daily life, deepening their intimacy.
As daughters grow older, they may become reluctant to share certain things with their mothers. Mothers may then feel excluded from their daughters' lives. Yet daughters overlook that this sharing is a truly beautiful aspect of the mother-daughter relationship.Why is the mother-daughter bond so unique?
For many women, the intimacy between mother and daughter represents the deepest, most enduring relationship of their lives. Yet a profound irony exists: most mothers believe they protect their daughters, striving to ensure their daughters appear to have smooth sailing and live the best possible life. This, however, is precisely what psychologists criticize most: mothers' advice to their daughters often carries a critical undertone.Daughters desperately want their mothers to see them as perfect, yet mothers are often the first to spot their flaws.
Why do so many women care so much about their mothers' opinions?
Many women view their mothers as all-knowing and all-powerful, so they exaggerate their mothers' judgments. Adult women are often perplexed: Why do their mothers keep offering advice and help?In reality, this stems from a mother's sense of helplessness after her daughter grows up—they feel no longer needed. Daughters also fail to recognize their own power, as they often control how often they meet with their mothers. Why do we feel our mothers are prying into our lives? When daughters are young, every aspect of their lives is managed by their mothers.As they grow up, mothers seek to maintain that closeness by participating in their daughters' lives. But closeness often means a lack of independence. Consider what my mom said: "My daughter used to call me every day, but then she stopped. I know she wanted to break free from that bondage, but I really miss her calls." Think about that word: bondage! When you're very close to someone, you lose your freedom.You have to consider their thoughts, doubting whether your actions affect their life. Because a mother's opinion matters so much to her daughter that she'll try to escape it just to make her own decisions. Can mothers truly evaluate us without judgment? Tell moms the best approach is to stay silent. Your daughter doesn't really want your advice—she wants your blessing.A woman once asked me: How do I tell my daughter she needs to lose 10 pounds? I replied: No, you can't. She likely understands her weight issues better than you do. But what she seeks is your reassurance. If she asks your opinion, don't offer advice—instead, give her encouragement, praise, and confidence.
How do daughters learn to accept their mothers' opinions?
Don't interpret every word your mother says as criticism. Every time you complain that she's blaming you, she'll deny it. In truth, she's just trying to help. Any advice or assistance carries an implicit critique, but it also reflects her deep concern for your life—because aside from your mother and yourself, few others notice these issues.
Take this example: A daughter shows her mom her new purchase—two pairs of socks, one black and one navy blue.The next day: Mom says, "Are you sure you're not wearing one black and one blue?" The daughter told me: This is the kind of thing she'd ask when I was a kid. Oh my gosh! How incompetent does she think I am? But then she reflected: Besides Mom, who else cares what color socks I wear? Realizing this, her anger vanished.
Yet mother-daughter conversations often repeat the same patterns. How can we break free from these destructive communication cycles we've built?
Here's an unconventional approach. Next time, instead of flaring up, try defusing the tension with humor. You could also discuss the art of communication with your mom. Reading this article to understand why we feel frustrated might be a good starting point.