Women particularly need emotional and psychological fulfillment. Typically, women emphasize that men should provide not only material security but also fulfill their emotional needs.
Ms. Liu, 25, works as a secretary at a foreign-funded company. She seeks a boyfriend over 30 with rich emotional experience. She notes that in today's fast-paced world, relationships—which should be complex—have become increasingly superficial. People rush into marriage and divorce within days. Young people treat this sacred bond carelessly, lacking empathy and consideration for each other.But those with rich experiences are different—they understand how to be considerate. Having some experiences and stories before marriage isn't necessarily a bad thing. A mature man has lived through experiences, has stories, has faced hardships, has grace, has a broad mind, and has depth. I'm okay with the man I envision having been wild before marriage. Knowing he's experienced everything before marrying me makes me feel more at ease.
The author conducted a small-scale survey in several universities. Among the 140 respondents, 92 agreed that individuals with rich premarital emotional experiences tend to be more faithful in marriage. Thirty disagreed, and 18 abstained. Among those in agreement, 85% were women, constituting the overwhelming majority. Does the altar of marriage truly require a path paved with "promiscuity"?
Psychological counselor Xu Weisu explains: "This prevalent behavior among women reveals their psychological needs toward men. Women typically live within emotional experiences, emphasizing that the men in their lives provide not only material security but also fundamental emotional fulfillment. With basic economic needs largely met, survival is no longer the primary obstacle, making the desire for emotional satisfaction more intense and enduring."
"Society's tolerance toward both genders is expanding. Premarital sex is no longer universally unacceptable. Moreover, many now view individuals with sexual experience as more sexually mature and better attuned to the enduring emotional needs underlying intimacy. Thus, premarital promiscuity no longer poses a psychological threat to becoming a partner."
Seeking the Reformed Playboy or the Ideal Father Figure
Young women's yearning for emotionally nurturing men reflects a subconscious search for the "ideal father" figure.
Mr. Wang, who runs a matchmaking agency in Beijing, shares:I've run this matchmaking agency for over a decade, but in the past year or two, I've found myself increasingly baffled by the psychology of today's young women. The era of seeking partners of equal social standing and matching age is gone forever. Now, more and more women—whether young or slightly older—prefer to find partners who are older than themselves and have rich emotional experience. The simple notion of lifelong monogamous love has vanished.
From a psychological perspective, women of different age groups seeking the same type of man reveal distinct underlying motivations: Younger women crave mature men who can offer greater emotional care, reflecting a subconscious impulse to seek an "ideal father figure."Every girl harbors an idealized father figure in her heart—a man embodying masculine strength, authority, and omnipotence, who radiates safety and reliability. He protects her and loves her eternally, just as he would his own daughter.
The saying "a daughter is her father's eternal lover" holds psychological truth: a father's daughter is cherished and adored for life, her whims and caprices forgiven.Thus, every girl subconsciously yearns for this ideal to be fulfilled. If her real-life father falls far short of this ideal image, she will unconsciously project these desires onto potential partners when seeking a future companion. This explains the practical need for older, more mature, and emotionally rich men.From another perspective, this aligns with the "law of complementarity" in interpersonal relationships. People tend to seek out individuals whose personality traits complement their own—such as the willful seeking tolerance, or the extroverted preferring introverts as confidants. Similarly, young women yearn for an older, father-like figure to fulfill their emotional needs through this complementary dynamic.