Question 1: What are his flaws? Are they something I can accept?
No one is perfect, not even the most outstanding man. But flaws don't preclude marriage. Besides, women aren't necessarily flawless either. Before marriage, opening your eyes doesn't mean searching for the most exceptional person in the crowd, but finding the one most suited to you. So what truly means "suited"?A close friend recently confided in me about this very issue. She mentioned they were about to get married, but suddenly found herself unable to overlook this man's flaws—everything about him seemed irritating.I asked her: Among all his flaws, which ones could you actually accept? It’s like a pockmarked woman marrying a four-eyed man—they’d be perfectly matched, neither complaining about the other. But sadly, my friend couldn’t think of a single flaw she could tolerate. So I advised her: Just call it off.
Question Two: What specific conditions are needed for a future life together? What does he currently offer?
Another close friend recently met a man who treats her exceptionally well. She'd dated many before, but no matter how promising their backgrounds, they never clicked. This man is different—his conversational style perfectly matches hers. The catch? His family background is average, failing many conventional marriage criteria in others' eyes.Everyone has different pre-marriage requirements. I know my friend well—for her, finding someone she can connect with is the hardest part. It's not that she's picky, but communication is genuinely challenging in this vast world. So I had her make a list of life essentials to see what they might lack together and whether it truly meant he wasn't marriage material. After careful calculation, they already had housing and jobs—basically, the fundamentals were covered.
Question Three: What can I offer him?
The most absurd thing was when a friend once told me, "Everything is perfect with this guy except one thing—he can't help me with anything, from small household chores to big career matters." I eventually persuaded that couple to break up. Why? Because the foundation of a relationship must be solid, and that foundation isn't built on taking but on giving.Taking is easy—we've been accustomed to demanding from our parents since birth. But giving is not. When we find ourselves willing to give to someone without expecting anything in return, that's true love. This holds true for parents, children, and especially partners.
Question Four: What do two people save by being together compared to being single?
This is an interesting question, but upon reflection, it resembles an economic problem. If being together leads to greater waste than being single—whether in money, time, or other resources—then it's best to carefully consider whether to marry. While marriage isn't a transaction, we all know it requires cultivation. Reasonable cultivation allows both partners to win.Mutual understanding and care save significant time. For instance, while single, one might handle complex household chores alone, but after marriage, someone is always there to help—even if they're not skilled at it, they can offer a massage to your tired body. That's a win-win.
Question 5: What conflicts have we had in the past?
Before marriage, it's essential to take stock—especially of past disagreements. Some might argue, "We're getting married precisely because we don't have conflicts!"This view is fundamentally flawed. Even the most compatible couples will have disagreements. The key lies in how you resolve these differences and what they actually are. If they stem from differing perspectives, congratulations—you can proceed with marriage, though you'll need to consider how to coordinate conflicts afterward. But if they involve matters of principle, you really need to think carefully. After all, principles are largely unchangeable. Huanzi