Every parent's approach to education differs. Some fear their child might become arrogant and thus constantly criticize them; others worry about hurting their child's self-esteem and therefore shower them with praise. In truth, whether it's criticism or praise, both require skill. How can we maximize the effectiveness of both? Today, we'll break it down for you.
I. Parenting Requires Artistry
A father reflected on his failed parenting lessons, as his wife pointed out: "Everything you say sounds harsh. Even kind words lose their meaning—they come across as sarcastic or condescending."
This mother was referring to the psychological art of criticism. The same message delivered by one person can feel smooth, educational, and enlightening; yet from another, it might sound dry, tasteless, or even infuriating. Naturally, the former approach fosters positive growth, while the latter hinders it.
Many parents aspire for their sons to become dragons and their daughters phoenixes, yet they grow impatient and restless. They spare no expense buying nutritional supplements for their children's studies and growth. Some even borrow money to purchase computers for them. Yet few parents reflect on whether they employ artistry in their child's education—especially when criticizing or praising them.
I encourage parents to reflect on our discussion and evaluate their past educational approaches: which criticisms and praises were effective, and which fell short. Summarizing these experiences will help improve your parenting and achieve better educational outcomes.
II. The Psychological Art of Praise
Praise is a common tool in parental education.Using praise correctly, applying its principles appropriately, and fully leveraging its psychological artistry will yield satisfying educational outcomes. Otherwise, it often fails to achieve the desired effect and may even backfire.
Praise takes many forms, such as affirmation, commendation, encouragement, expectation, motivation, spiritual rewards, material rewards, and so on.
Regarding praise, let us discuss it from the following aspects.
1. Emphasize Praise for Character Development
In children's daily lives and studies, whether concerning their character, academic performance, or life skills, any positive behavior should be praised.However, given the current state of family education in our country, I believe the focus should be on praising children's positive character behaviors. This reinforces their ethical conduct, cultivates their moral character, develops their positive personality traits, and promotes their psychological well-being.The teacher commended him in class. When his father learned of this, he was overjoyed. He told his son, "You did the right thing. Handing in 50 yuan is just as important as handing in 500 yuan. No matter the amount, you should always return found money to the teacher. Your actions are commendable."His mother also praised him, saying, "You often turned in things you found to your teachers in elementary school. Teachers commended you several times during parent-teacher conferences." His father added, "I remember once during Spring Festival, you were playing on the street with your cousins when you found a wallet. The four of you went to the police station together and handed it over to the officers." His father continued, "You often do very well on exams, which makes Mom and Dad happy; but when you return lost property, it makes us even happier." His father particularly emphasized the word "even," meaning that in terms of character, one must strive to be better—to be someone who always returns lost property.
Taking this opportunity, his father continued: "A person's exam scores will fluctuate; it's natural not to perform well every time or rank among the top students in the class each time.Everyone is working hard. It's good to have the desire and confidence to aim for the top every time, but it's not always possible to meet your goals. However, when it comes to returning found money, we can't be inconsistent—sometimes returning it, sometimes not. Your consistent integrity in returning lost property is something you should continue to uphold. Mom and Dad are very proud of this."
Some parents today place immense emphasis on their children's academic performance. When a child excels on an exam, they lavish praise and offer material rewards.Yet when children excel in acts of kindness, parents often overlook these achievements. Some even say: "Skip group activities—they waste time and hinder studies. College admission depends on test scores, not extracurriculars." This mindset neglects character education, moral development, and personality cultivation. Without praise for such growth, motivation to learn cannot be sustained.