Disciplining children is far more challenging than providing for their basic needs. For instance, excessive strictness stifles individuality, while excessive leniency breeds indulgence and carelessness. Incorrect methods may even provoke rebellion, backfiring on the intended goal. Precisely because of this complexity, nearly every aspect of child discipline warrants its own book, guiding parents on how to tailor approaches to different children and situations.However, among the myriad educational details, there are "eight essential tools" that every parent must possess and that are irreplaceable.
These 8 Tools Hold Incredible Power in Raising Children (Public Health Network)
Unconditional Love.Parents undoubtedly love their children, and this love should never be conditional. It builds children's confidence and teaches them to love themselves and others. Parents must ensure their children understand that their love remains unchanged regardless of appearance or academic performance. Yang Xiong emphasizes that unconditional love does not equate to unrestrained indulgence, which often manifests as permissiveness—a highly undesirable approach.
Appropriate Encouragement. Encouragement should be ever-present. When facing achievements, encourage children to keep striving for improvement. When facing setbacks, parents should not forget to alleviate their stress, cheer them on, and motivate them to progress next time. Through such repeated encouragement, children's self-confidence gradually forms. For instance, even small improvements should be acknowledged: "You did much better today than yesterday";When facing difficulties, encourage them with "You can definitely solve this problem on your own"; to encourage bravery, simply say, "Wouldn't it be great to go out and practice boldly?"
Timely praise. In traditional cultures, parents rarely verbalize their approval of children, preferring instead to point out shortcomings. Even when aware they should praise, some parents often settle for a mere "Not bad."In reality, timely praise helps children develop sound values. Avoid empty or perfunctory praise—casual compliments lose meaning and create auditory fatigue. For younger children, specific feedback helps them understand why they're being praised. Older children, with greater comprehension, can receive more general praise.Additionally, praise should be paced thoughtfully. For instance, after a good test score, parents should first acknowledge progress: "You improved on this exam." Then address areas for growth: "Some careless mistakes cost you points." Finally, offer encouragement: "Be more attentive next time, and let's keep striving together." Help children discern right from wrong. During significant periods of development, children lack the ability to distinguish between good and bad. Parents must step in at critical moments to help them recognize correct and incorrect behavior.This is crucial for establishing a sound moral compass. Use fables, fairy tales, and vivid real-life examples to guide children in analyzing situations and forming their own judgments. More importantly, parents must lead by example, demonstrating through actions what is right and wrong. For instance, when encountering traffic lights at a crosswalk, parents should resolutely avoid jaywalking—this proves far more effective than merely telling children "stop at red, go at green."Trust. Many authoritarian parents believe that if their child gets into a fight with another child, they should first criticize their own child—this is seen as a sign of good manners and proper upbringing. However, in many Western countries, parents first give their child a chance to explain and choose to believe their explanation. This is a fundamental trust between parent and child and reflects the parent's respect for the child's personality. Trust—this Western concept should be better promoted in modern Chinese families.Companionship provides children with psychological support, fostering a sense of security. This is especially crucial for young children. In Western cultures, companionship is a vital aspect of childcare. Some countries even have laws prohibiting parents from leaving children under 12 home alone. This stems not only from safety concerns but also addresses psychological needs. The essence of companionship is communication, so when spending time with children, engage in activities like storytelling or playing games.
Criticism. Today's children are precocious yet fragile, making criticism a delicate matter—neither too harsh nor too lenient. Recently, Shanghai witnessed a tragic incident where a child, unable to bear parental criticism, jumped to their death. When confronting a child's mistakes, every parent must consider the context and employ appropriate methods. Generally, the overarching principle of criticism is to ascertain the facts, present evidence, and avoid harsh, unprovoked scolding.For instance, when notified by a teacher about their child's misbehavior, parents should not immediately scold harshly. Instead, they should first ask why the child acted that way and patiently guide them based on the specific situation. Naturally, criticism methods should vary according to a child's age and personality. Children with stronger resilience or more boisterous temperaments can handle slightly firmer criticism, while those who are naturally introverted or sensitive require a gentler tone to avoid causing negative effects.Remember, criticism is not punishment but an expression of love.
Understanding. Parents must learn to see things from their child's perspective, understanding their inner world and actions. For instance, when a child's grades decline, parents should avoid condescending criticism. Instead, approach the situation as equals, helping the child analyze the reasons. These "eight tools" are interconnected and inseparable—just as praise accompanies encouragement, criticism requires understanding, and everything stems from love.