I. You care more about the other person
You're in a relationship but unsure of their feelings; you think you're a perfect match, yet they seem indifferent; you miss them deeply when they're gone, but they don't seem to care when you're absent. What does this mean? "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?"
Sometimes one person loves the other more intensely. In a healthy relationship, this dynamic shifts—both partners take turns pursuing and being pursued. But if one person always plays the pursuer, the relationship is unhealthy. Over time, you'll feel starved for love, controlled by the other person, and filled with anger, betrayal, and pain.
2. You love their potential
You love their potential, not who they truly are. You love who they might become in the future. In that case, they aren't your partner at all—they're your project.In every premarital counseling session, we ask: If your partner remained unchanged for fifty years, would you be content?
If you constantly seek to change them to feel satisfied, that isn't love—it's gambling, staking both your happiness as the wager. When in a relationship, love and respect your partner for who they are now, not who they might become. You can hope for their continued growth, but you must be content with their present self.
3. You want to rescue them
Do you often feel sorry for them? Do you feel obligated to help them pull themselves together? Are you afraid they couldn't handle life without you? If so, you might be a "rescuer." Rescuers don't seek compatible partners—they seek people they pity and can help.
Seeking out someone traumatized, vulnerable, dependent, unloved, or wronged—where pity turns to affection and gratitude follows—creates a relationship that resembles a rescue mission rather than a healthy, balanced connection.
The crucial principle here is "respect." The person you love must be someone you can respect. You should take pride in them. Your partner doesn't need your rescue; they need your genuine understanding.
IV. Worshiping Your Partner
Young actresses falling for directors, students for professors, secretaries for bosses... Love for an idol rarely sustains a healthy relationship because it creates an unequal dynamic. Both partners must treat each other as equals—not in status, but in attitude. Avoid excessive idolization. Those who fall for their idols often struggle with low self-esteem, feeling fundamentally inadequate.
5. You're Only Drawn to Their Appearance
Everyone experiences this, right? If you find yourself deeply captivated by a specific trait, ask yourself: If they didn't have those big blue eyes, that magnetic voice... if they weren't a model, couldn't play basketball... would I still be with them? For men, appearance is the primary factor.
6. The illusion of fleeting closeness
You share a work project, often pulling all-nighters together, and suddenly you think you're falling for them...You go on a three-week vacation, meet a man also on holiday, and feel like you're falling head over heels... Brief, intense interactions happen under special circumstances, not routine ones. Such feelings won't last because short-term closeness doesn't let you fully understand someone's personality.
VII. Choosing a Partner Out of Rebellion
Your parents constantly urge you to find a wealthy partner, yet every boyfriend you choose is penniless; your parents raised you with strict discipline, yet every girlfriend you have is promiscuous; your father has always emphasized that carrying on the family line is paramount, yet your girlfriends either cannot or refuse to have children...
If your partner consistently angers your parents, you may be rebelling—feeling compelled to prove something in defiance. When you can't control your choices, it's not genuine love, and the relationship is doomed.
8. The Other Person Isn't Single
I saved this point for last because it fundamentally isn't a relationship. The first prerequisite for choosing a lifelong partner is that they are "single." "Single" means they are free to date you without being married, engaged, in a committed relationship, sleeping with someone else, or seeing anyone else—they are unattached and exclusively dating you.
If the man you've fallen for promises to break up with another woman soon; or claims he doesn't love her, only you; or says his current partner accepts your presence and they won't split but he wants to be with you for a while; or if he just broke up but might get back together... none of these qualify as being unattached.Don't date married men or those already in relationships. No matter the excuse, the outcome is the same—you're destined for heartbreak. Remember, you're merely accepting someone else's leftovers.