A young child's learning is like a camera or a sponge—they absorb everything initially because their life is just beginning and they need to build their inventory. If the inventory provided by adults consists of kind communication patterns, the child gradually learns to communicate effectively. If the inventory consists of hurtful or aggressive language, the child gradually learns to respond using that same language.
An article by Taiwanese author Li Kunshan, published in the China Times Electronic News, points out that a child's words and actions are often a mirror image of the adults around them. To raise a child well, the first step is to provide them with a good example to follow.
Excerpted from the article:
At Hualien Station in Taiwan, amid the bustling crowd, a clear yet unyielding child's voice pierced my ears: "Daddy, you're so annoying! You're useless!" The man, standing just a few feet away from me, sighed deeply. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him, knowing he must feel utterly humiliated.
At a Toys "R" Us not far from my home in the U.S., my son and I were waiting in line to check out. Ahead of us, a boy of about ten was flipping through and touching the store displays. His father casually asked him to stop messing with the items. The boy turned and snapped, "Shut up!"I expected the father to fly into a rage and discipline him, but he merely rubbed his nose and said nothing.
Waiting alone for the high-speed train at Qingdao Station, enduring the stifling heat, a phrase like a cold icicle pierced me from behind: "You're fanning too slowly. Fan faster."I couldn't help but glance sideways at the sweat-drenched mother and the emperor she was tending to.
After a lecture in Hsinchu, Taiwan, my friend and I hopped into a taxi. The sharp-eyed driver, over our brief conversation, sensed we were educators. So he asked us earnestly, "Kids are fine when they're little—they listen. But once they hit adolescence, they become unmanageable and just get worse and worse. What's going on?" My friend and I exchanged bewildered glances, unsure how to respond. Both our families had teenagers, and while they had the typical hormonal ups and downs of adolescence, they weren't getting progressively worse.
Young children speak hurtfully—because adults resort to scolding when angry
The toddlers who curse their parents or treat them like servants, and the increasingly troublesome teenagers—none of them were born that way. It's their environment that cultivates their "habit" of disrespecting others and using hurtful words;It is adults who, unconsciously and over time, have allowed children to develop this self-centered attitude and habit of verbal aggression.
When toddlers lash out with hurtful words like "You're useless!" or "I hate you," they are merely mimicking the expressions of anger they've learned. From the behavior of adults in their environment, they learn that anger is expressed through "shouting";From adults' mouths, they learn to respond to anger with "hurtful words." The phrase "You're useless!" is likely something children hear from their father or mother! When couples argue in front of their child, or one partner frequently uses such language to criticize the other in the child's presence, the child opens their learning channel, simultaneously absorbing "this is how to express anger" and "those are the words to say when angry."
A young child's learning is like a camera or a sponge—they absorb everything indiscriminately because their life is just beginning and they need to build up their inventory. If the inventory provided by adults consists of kind communication patterns, the child gradually learns to communicate well. If the inventory consists of hurtful, aggressive language, the child gradually learns to respond with that kind of language.
Young children lack respect for others—because adults revolve everything around them.
They demand of adults with utmost urgency: "You're fanning too slowly, fan faster!" This stems from their ingrained attitude and language that everything must revolve around them.From adults constantly doing things for them and thinking for them in their environment, children learn that their own needs are the center of the universe. From adults constantly apologizing, they learn to explain adult shortcomings with the mindset: "It's the adult's fault."
"You're waving too slowly, wave faster." This phrase is likely the conclusion the child draws from repeatedly hearing adults say things like, "Alright, I'm already going as fast as I can." When adults make unnecessary sacrifices to do everything for the child, the child opens his learning channel, simultaneously absorbing the lessons: "My needs are paramount" and "My needs depend on others for fulfillment."
A young child's self-awareness functions like a camera or a sponge. They first perceive and understand themselves through the eyes of adults in their environment. Because young children don't yet know who they are or what they are capable of, they need to piece together their self-image, confidence, and self-respect, like assembling a puzzle.
So, how should adults approach early childhood education?
1. Educate Children to "Learn to Be a Person"
Teaching children to be good people is the primary and fundamental task of family education, and the core issue in implementing the principles and requirements of quality education. Educating children to be good people means placing great emphasis on their moral and ethical development. Parents must not prioritize intellectual education over moral education. For abilities are more important than knowledge, and morality is more important than abilities.Family education focuses on teaching children to be good people, primarily by elevating their moral standards, cultivating habits of social morality, and strengthening their legal awareness and sense of social responsibility. 2. Educate Children to "Learn How to Seek Knowledge" There are many methods for learning how to seek knowledge, but a crucial one is fostering good study habits in children. Avoid forcing them to "rote memorize" knowledge; instead, emphasize understanding and learning to apply knowledge flexibly.
3. Teach Children to "Learn to Work"
Guide children to participate in age-appropriate household chores and support their involvement in community service. This cultivates self-reliance and work habits. Learning to work early in life benefits children throughout their lives. Diligence is the foundation of all virtues, while laziness is the root of all evils. Therefore, engaging children in work from a young age is a required and fundamental part of family education.
4. Educate Children to "Learn Self-Reliance"
Children will encounter many setbacks during their growth. Parents must cultivate their independence, resilience in facing adversity, and adaptability. Let children learn to strengthen their wings in the vast world and soar freely. Educate children to "develop comprehensively."
5. Family Education Requires Innovation
The current state of family education in China is not optimistic, primarily due to the disruption and loss of traditional family education practices. In truth, most family education involves inheritance rather than innovation; following the experiences of previous generations in raising children generally avoids major mistakes. The problem today is that the family education experiences we inherited are no longer applicable. Consequently, every parent in contemporary China is navigating uncharted territory.
Most children's issues stem from family problems. Though manifested in children, the root lies with adults—with parents. To cure a child's "illness," parents must first "take the medicine." Thus, the issue of quality education for Chinese youth is not only a question schools and society must address, but one every family must confront. It requires every family to answer, every individual to answer!
Education happens in schools, but quality comes from parents!Without the improvement of parental quality, there can be no high-quality children. This principle is akin to how the enhancement of teacher quality serves as the foundation and prerequisite for elevating student quality. Viewing the current student "burden reduction" issue from this perspective, my stance is that reducing students' burdens must not come at the expense of educational quality. There is only one viable path for "burden reduction": teachers and parents must "increase their burdens." On one hand, teachers must transform their teaching philosophies and methodologies to enhance instructional efficiency.On the other hand, parents must move beyond relying on experience to raise children. They should learn how to be competent parents and how to be excellent parents.
A nation's hope lies in its millions of children. For adults, no personal success can compensate for family failure. For minors, if the family neglects its duties, even the most extensive networks of schools, community centers, counseling services, and reform schools will prove futile.
6. Effective parenting methods matter