Parents love their children deeply and strive to provide the best education. Yet they often fail to realize that flawed parenting methods lead to misguided upbringing. Children grow up in this environment of misguided education, and only when problems arise do parents recognize the failure of their approach.What specific mistakes do we parents make?
Ten Parenting Behaviors That Ruin a Child's Future (Public Health Network)
It's as if we parents carry hidden knives within us. Let's examine these knives—do you carry any of them?
First Knife: Severing Democracy, Planting Seeds of Authoritarianism
In traditional Chinese families, parents reign as household emperors.They have the final say, forcibly dictating what children should and shouldn't do. But have we practiced even basic democracy in family life? For instance, when decisions affect a child's interests, have parents ever sought their opinion? When conflicts arise within the family, regardless of who is right or wrong, parents habitually resort to crude methods, using the excuse "it's for your own good" to make decisions for their children.
The Second Blow: Severing Compassion, Planting Seeds of Selfishness
When you tear apart relationships with your brothers over how to care for aging parents, or clash fiercely with your sisters over dividing your parents' modest inheritance, have you noticed a pair of frightened eyes watching your performance in confusion?The Ten Mistakes of Chinese Parenting>> When you see a thief prying open your neighbor's door and rush away with your son, have you noticed his other hand clenched into a fist? When your daughter tells you the garden hose in the community is broken, do you grab your tools to fix it or call property management immediately—or tell her to mind her own business?When you pretend not to see an elderly person struggling to stand on the bus, and your child wants to give up their seat but you stop them with a glance—these actions are part of the subtle family education you impart. Each of your behaviors chips away at your child's compassion, planting seeds of selfishness in their tender heart.
The Third Cut: Severing Honesty, Planting Seeds of Deception
Once a child realizes lying can spare them from punishment, avoid scolding, or delay physical pain, they may gradually become masters of deception.Children are driven to lie by necessity. If telling the truth brings tangible benefits, why would anyone risk lying? Many children wonder why adults can lie while they cannot. When a child ponders this question, it reveals they have already noticed adults frequently tell lies.Our explanations to children often justify our lies as "well-intentioned." But to a child, whether well-intentioned or malicious, it's still a lie!
The Fourth Cut: Severing Adventure, Planting Seeds of Mediocrity
When a child wants to swim in the river, instead of teaching them how to stay safe in the water, we simply refuse—the reason being danger, of course.When children want to climb heights, they are forbidden for safety reasons. Even teenagers dare not go alone to the corner store to buy soy sauce because the streets are dangerous. They cannot peel an apple themselves because knives are dangerous. Twenty-year-olds still cannot cook on the stove because gas is dangerous.But if we keep shielding them like this, how will they ever grow up? Children who never experience even a hint of danger are bound to be mediocre. Danger lurks everywhere—avoiding it won't solve the problem. The key is to teach children to recognize danger and handle crises!
The Fifth Cut: Severing Discipline, Planting Seeds of Lawlessness
Children rarely jaywalk when crossing the street on their own.Children riding bikes will also follow the rules and stay in the bike lanes. Even in kindergarten, they memorize the rhyme: "Stop at red, go at green." Yet when they go out with their parents, they're often pulled along, bypassing crosswalks, underpasses, and overpasses—jumping over railings and darting across roads instead.Adults justify this by saying they're busy or in a hurry. Little do they realize this action teaches children that rules can be ignored, and personal gain outweighs the importance of rules.
The Sixth Cut: Chopping Away Kindness, Planting Seeds of Misdeeds
When a child wants to donate money to a sickly classmate who can't afford tuition, you ask if it's a school requirement and inquire about the minimum donation amount.You are chipping away at the child's innate kindness. When given extra change at a store, you drag the child away quickly. When a colleague offends you, you instruct the child to secretly puncture their bicycle tire. When a few scallions are missing from the kitchen, instead of borrowing from neighbors, you tell the child to "take" some from the hallway. You are sowing seeds of wickedness within the child, bit by bit.
Seventh Cut: Severing Nature, Planting Seeds of Destruction
At the park, you lead your child to climb trees and pick flowers. When leaving, you dismiss their offer to pick up trash, saying, "Don't worry about it—the cleaners will handle it." To please your child, you ignore the "No Entry" signs on the railings and feed the monkeys in their cages.After drinking, you toss the bottle carelessly; after smoking, you flick the butt onto the ground. Children are born loving nature and animals. Yet we slaughter the fish they adore and the chickens and ducks they find adorable right before their eyes. How can a heartbroken child ever bring themselves to eat these creatures again?
When persuading children, we employ the logic that "all things exist for our use." We tell them that for humanity's survival, we may harm all living creatures.
The Eighth Blow: Severing Innovation, Planting Seeds of Mechanism
Our poor children, crushed by both school and parents, no longer understand what innovation means.When children ask "why" repeatedly, we might be too tired from work to answer, or brush them off when their questions exceed our knowledge, or simply be preoccupied with losing at mahjong. Our go-to excuses? "You'll understand when you're older!" "You don't need to grasp this, just memorize it!" "This won't be on the test!""No need to ask why!" and other such self-righteous excuses. Little do we realize we're slowly turning children into exam machines, their minds becoming mechanical and incapable of independent thought. When choosing schools for our children, isn't the top priority still the admission rate? We couldn't care less about what knowledge they gain—as long as they get into Tsinghua or Peking University!
The Ninth Cut: Severing Appreciation, Planting Seeds of Envy
Young children express admiration openly, freely sharing their affection for people or things. When a child tells parents how outstanding a classmate is, parents often compare the child's shortcomings to the admired person, saying things like, "Look how smart and hardworking they are! Unlike you, who's so lazy!"Or insist, "You should learn from them and bring honor to your parents!" Such critical comparisons easily crush a child's enthusiasm and severely damage their self-esteem.
When children are young and unaware of their limitations, they might declare, "I'll be even better than them!" But after repeatedly failing to surpass their admired figures and being belittled by their parents, that healthy sense of admiration can turn into a toxic jealousy.Thus, our innocent children learn jealousy—one of life's greatest scourges!
The Tenth Blow: Severing Competition, Planting Seeds of Hatred
A perfectly normal part of life is for the loser to grasp the winner's hand and offer sincere congratulations.
We may all be surpassed by colleagues at work or defeated by rivals in business.Yet when we return home, instead of objectively analyzing why we lost and striving for victory next time, we often seek excuses and berate our competitors. Don't assume your child is too young to understand these adult matters. They've already learned from you to hate those who surpass them. They've learned to slip sleeping pills into the water bottle of a classmate who scored higher just to get first place! Reflect on this! Every parent should reflect.
When we condemn societal injustice, blame educational failure, or accuse others of moral decay, how are we raising our own children? Put down the knife in your hand and let our children grow up healthy and strong. Preserve their innate virtues and give our society hope!
After reading this, perhaps you realize you've mistakenly taught your child certain things. May we continually correct our errors moving forward.