In recent years, the emergence of "4-2-1" family structures has drawn widespread societal concern and anxiety over issues like intergenerational childcare, excessive indulgence, and over-reliance on early education. Education experts urge parents from the only-child generation to adjust their parenting approaches toward their children, avoiding common pitfalls.
Grandparent-led childcare weakens the family's educational role
Every morning at 7 a.m., 54-year-old Wang Kexin takes the bus to drop her young grandson off at kindergarten. She picks him up again at 4 p.m. "What can I do? The young couple are busy with work. Having me, his grandmother, take care of him is better than hiring a nanny," Wang told reporters.
It is understood that most parents of the only-child generation are currently in the ascendant phase of their careers, juggling demanding work schedules and significant life pressures. Some also lack emotional maturity, struggling to adapt to the role transition of parenthood. "Who will raise the children?" has become a pressing concern for them. Consequently, grandparents raising the third generation has become a widespread phenomenon.
Over 30 years since the implementation of the one-child policy, a large number of only children have reached marriageable age and become parents themselves. The second generation of only children born to them are referred to as the "second generation of only children."
A survey by China Women's Magazine revealed that over 70% of young parents "give birth but do not raise" their children, with the primary responsibility falling entirely on elderly family members. Among these, 42% of children are primarily cared for by paternal grandparents, 30% by maternal grandparents, while less than 20% are raised by their own parents.
Liu Limei, a kindergarten teacher at Nanning Kindergarten in Shenyang, shared that during a recent parent-child activity day, fewer than 30% of the 130 children were accompanied by their parents. The rest were all with their grandparents. "Many of the day's interactions and games weren't suitable for the elderly, so the event didn't achieve its intended results," Liu noted. She believes young parents should recognize their indispensable role in their children's development and not shift all responsibilities onto the elderly.
The China Youth Research Center has conducted extensive studies on the character development of second-generation only children. Sun Hongyan, head of the research team, noted that 70% of cases involving grandparent-led childcare weaken the family's educational role. "If parents fail to establish a close parent-child bond before their child turns six, it can easily lead to a distant relationship later on and even trigger various psychological issues," Sun warned, urging young parents to actively participate in their children's upbringing.
Excessive Pampering Spoils the Only-Child Generation
The greatest challenge in raising the only-child generation is grandparents' tendency to spoil children excessively," stated Zhou Yongmei, Director of the Shenyang Youth Psychological Counseling Center. For many elders, raising grandchildren becomes their primary emotional anchor, making them prone to indulgence."This is highly detrimental to a child's development, fostering selfishness, greed, and arrogance, and even teaching them to shirk responsibility at a young age.
Parental overprotection breeds dependence, severely hindering a child's growth. One parent, fearing their child might fall, forbade running from an early age. As a result, a third-grade student in Shenyang still cannot even walk briskly.
From a child psychology perspective, children are eager to explore on their own and derive joy from these attempts. Moreover, navigating from failure to success fosters a sense of accomplishment and builds resilience. Return the world that belongs to children to them—don't deprive them of their right to happiness under the guise of protection.
Three Common Misconceptions in Parent-Child Relationships
Misconception 1: Excessive Emotional Implications
Many single parents attribute every conflict or issue in their child's development to the family's incompleteness. This conveys the idea that single-parent families are abnormal, leading children to believe they themselves are abnormal.For instance, phrases like "It's so sad your child lacks a father's (or mother's) love" cast shadows over their psyche. In reality, families where parents constantly argue also significantly impact children's development. A parent's absence doesn't prevent healthy, joyful growth. Children must understand that single-parent families are a normal part of society.
Misconception 2: Unconditional Rejection of the Other Parent
After divorce, many parents who retain custody of the children refuse to allow the other parent any contact. Some even relocate to places where the other parent cannot find them, preventing the child from seeing their father or mother. Others deliberately disparage the other parent, instilling feelings of hostility in the child.For instance, phrases like "Your father is uneducated and will never amount to anything" repeated frequently can cause children to develop psychological rejection toward the other parent. This is a significant reason why many children from single-parent families develop personality traits that deviate from the norm.
Misconception 3: Excessive Pampering of Children
Pampering is a common issue in many families, often more pronounced among single parents.They often feel guilty toward their child after divorce, leading them to unconditionally fulfill every demand—whether emotional or material. When children always get what they want, their resilience against setbacks remains untested, making them prone to developing personality flaws like isolation, arrogance, stubbornness, and selfishness.
In summary, the guiding principles for raising children in single-parent families are honesty, communication, and encouragement. Parents and teachers should not avoid discussing marriage and family matters. Children need to understand that divorce and remarriage are normal occurrences in society. Open communication allows teachers to understand their emotional needs. A caring glance, a word of comfort or encouragement, can potentially change their life.