Many parents tell their children the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," repeatedly emphasizing the importance of honesty and trustworthiness. Yet, they themselves sometimes tell "white lies" to appease their children, unwittingly planting the seed of distrust—"even parents can't be trusted"—in their young minds.
Parents
Family Integrity Isn't Just for Show
There's a story:Zengzi's wife was going to the market, and their son cried insistently to go with her. To placate him, she said, "Stay home and play nicely. When I return from the market, I'll slaughter a pig for you to eat." Hearing this, the boy immediately stopped crying. At noon, when Zengzi saw his wife return from the market, he picked up a butcher's knife and began sharpening it on a whetstone. His wife quickly asked, "What are you doing?" Zengzi replied,Didn't you say you'd slaughter a pig for our son when you returned from the market?" His wife tried to stop him: "It was just to placate the child—why must you actually do it?" Zengzi replied earnestly: "One must never lie to a child. Children learn from their parents' words and actions. By deceiving him now, you are teaching him to deceive others. How can we possibly raise him well this way?"
Ms. Wang considered herself a skilled parent, yet she had never heard this story. She believed that using "small favors" to placate her child so she could get things done was no big deal—after all, the child was young and would forget everything once playing.Mr. Zhang's eighth-grade daughter is currently in a "cold war" with him. The trigger stemmed from him twice breaking promises to take her to the movies. He explained, "Communication between father and daughter is already challenging. When she finally took the initiative to get closer, overtime work got in the way. Though I tried persuading her to understand, I made the promise first—now it's hard to make amends."
Expert Commentary
"Zengzi Slaughtering the Pig" Still Holds Modern Relevance
Parents' words and actions subtly shape children. When negative influences accumulate, children inevitably confront their parents about broken promises. By then, parental authority becomes difficult to reclaim.The expert's solution: When faced with a child's request, respond honestly regardless of whether you can fulfill it, rather than resorting to lies to escape responsibility. Parents should also avoid making promises lightly. During a child's psychological development, the best example parents can set is to keep their word and follow through on their actions.
Children
Should be more sincere with their parents
"Don't blame the adults—kids aren't pushovers either."One parent remarked, 'My child stutters when speaking seriously, but when it comes to making up lies, they have a whole repertoire.' Among many elementary school students, there's an unspoken rule: to go out and play, they say the teacher didn't assign homework; to buy something, they claim the school needs money; to avoid class, they say they have a stomachache. Classmates even coordinate their stories to prevent parents from finding out.
Whether out of fear of their parents or a childish sense of pride, many children choose to lie to their parents after exams. Liu, a seventh grader, listed what he considered his "truthful lies": "The questions were too obscure—the teacher never covered that," "Only a few in the class passed," "They didn't hand out the test papers this time." More often than not, though, he simply avoided mentioning the exam altogether.
Expert Commentary
Don't make excuses for lying to yourself
Such behavior reveals underlying anxiety and regret. If they know poor grades cause distress, why not prevent it from happening again?After all, the truth will eventually come out. If they keep hiding their academic performance from parents long-term, not only will they fail to find new ways to improve, but if parents discover the truth, it will be even less forgivable. Of course, parents should also reflect on whether their usual parenting methods are appropriate. If they can help children face exam results calmly, the kids won't view their parents as "monsters to be feared."