Unlike many time-averse fathers, "Wolf Dad" willingly invests substantial time and energy in his child's development. In him, we see the elevated value of family and fatherhood. Contrasting with the Xiao Baiyou-style father, many real-life fathers in modern families seem like dispensable figures beyond providing financial support. Little do they realize that for a child's growth, a father's absence can be more damaging than Wolf Dad's "harsh discipline."
What happens to children when fathers are too busy to be present? (Public Health Network)
Fathers unaware if their children are in middle school or elementary school
For many Chinese children, their father is a vague shadow—leaving for work before their eyes are open in the morning, returning after they've fallen asleep at night.Fathers are even rarer at school events. In an interview, actor Jackie Chan admitted he rarely worried about his son's upbringing. He recalled once finally finding time to pick his son up from school, only to wait endlessly at the wrong gate. A phone call revealed his son had long since moved to middle school, while he'd been waiting at the elementary school entrance.
In fact, such "careless" fathers are not uncommon around us. Speaking of fathers' absence during their children's upbringing, Shen Ling, who graduated from university last year, told reporters, "I'm a classic example. My dad never paid attention to me and almost never attended parent-teacher conferences. The one time he did go, he forgot what grade and class I was in."
Recently, a Shanghai elementary school launched a special "Dad Education" program, explicitly requiring only each student's father to participate. School officials explained this initiative stemmed from observing widespread paternal absence in early childhood education. Many fathers believe their role is solely to earn money and buy toys for their children. Yet to most children, a father's presence matters far more than any toy.
Is "Busyness" Keeping Fathers Absent?
Li Yang, founder of Crazy English, is currently undergoing divorce proceedings. Video footage shows his wife confronting him during his lengthy defense: "How much have you actually contributed to our family and children? Why haven't you come home to see our daughter in months?"Faced with Li Yang's defense that he was "too busy" but truly "loves" his children, she pressed: "Our eldest daughter has an event at school this afternoon. Could you attend?" Li Yang stammered that he already had plans...
Li Yang represents a common type of father absent from family life. "Busy" is always their "valid" excuse for lacking time with their children.Experts note that in many Chinese families, the father's absence is closely tied to the traditional notion of "men working outside the home while women manage the household." "In traditional Chinese families, men primarily earn income and support the household, while women handle internal family affairs," Zhang Gonghe explained. While this model has its rationality, a father's chronic absence is profoundly detrimental to a child's development.
Compared to other environmental factors, "the family undoubtedly exerts a greater influence on an individual's development," experts note. "A structurally intact, educationally sound, and harmonious family environment fosters the growth of well-rounded children." In their view, Xiao Baiyou—the notorious "Wolf Dad" famed for his "beat your child every three days and they'll get into Peking University" approach—may be more commendable than fathers who neglect their children's upbringing entirely.
Cowardice and False Bravery Both Stem from Absent Fathers
Experts indicate that a father's parenting attitude and methods play a pivotal role in shaping a child's personality, academic performance, and gender role development, especially for boys. If a father is absent during a child's formative years, it can easily lead to deficiencies in the child's character and emotional development.
Through psychological counseling, experts observe two common tendencies among men raised without fathers: some lack masculine assertiveness, while others appear tough and brave on the surface but are actually weak inside. Both extremes reflect an underlying lack of security.
Many fathers who use "busyness" as an excuse for absence may avoid the troubles of parenting when their children are young, but they may face even greater challenges in the future.
Expert Perspective:
Fatherly Love Must Keep Pace with Modern Reality
Director Ang Lee's films The Wedding Banquet, Push Hands, and Eat Drink Man Woman are hailed as his "Father Trilogy." The father figure portrayed by actor Lang Xiong resonates deeply, embodying the most traditional and quintessential Chinese father—reserved, profound, and unassuming in expressing affection, yet whose love for his children carries immense weight.Yet with changing times and societal progress, this authoritative, distant father figure is no longer sufficient for raising children.
Experts explain that today's children grow up in environments vastly different from previous generations. In the past, many families had multiple children and lived in close-knit communities.During their upbringing, children received male influences not only from their fathers but also from brothers, uncles, neighbors, and other relatives and friends. In contrast, most children today are only children, lacking peer influence. Moreover, many people leave their hometowns to build careers and families elsewhere, losing the kinship and local ties that once existed. This absence of social influence during childhood means the most profound male role models for children now come primarily from their fathers.It can be said that for a child's development, the father's role in today's family is more crucial than ever. Therefore, for fathers today, "it's not enough to simply follow tradition; they must keep pace with the times and invest greater effort into their role as fathers," experts say.