In recent years, with the rise of "4-2-1" families, issues like intergenerational childcare, excessive pampering, and overemphasis on early education have drawn widespread societal concern and anxiety. Education experts urge only-child parents to adjust their parenting approaches for their only grandchildren, avoiding common pitfalls.
Grandparent-led childcare weakens the family's educational role
Every morning at 7 a.m., 54-year-old Wang Kexin takes the bus to drop her young grandson off at kindergarten. At 4 p.m., she picks him up from the kindergarten gate. "What can I do? The young couple is busy with work. Having me, his grandmother, take care of him is better than hiring a nanny," Wang Kexin told reporters.
It is understood that most parents of the only-child generation are currently in the ascendant phase of their careers, juggling demanding work schedules and significant life pressures. Some also lack emotional maturity, struggling to adapt to the role transition of parenthood. "Who will raise the children?" has become a pressing concern for them. Consequently, grandparents raising the third generation has become a widespread phenomenon.
Over 30 years since the implementation of the one-child policy, a large number of only children have reached marriageable age and become parents themselves. The second generation of only children born to them are referred to as the "second generation of only children."
A survey by China Women's Magazine revealed that over 70% of young parents "give birth but do not raise" their children, with the primary responsibility falling entirely on elderly family members. Among these, 42% of children are primarily cared for by paternal grandparents, 30% by maternal grandparents, while less than 20% are raised by their own parents.
Liu Limei, a kindergarten teacher at Nanning Kindergarten in Shenyang, shared that during a recent parent-child activity day, fewer than 30% of the 130 children were accompanied by their parents. The rest were all with their grandparents. "Many of the day's interactions and games weren't suitable for the elderly, so the event didn't achieve its intended results," Liu noted. She believes young parents should recognize their indispensable role in their children's development and not shift all responsibilities onto the elderly.
The China Youth Research Center has conducted extensive studies on the character development of second-generation only children. Sun Hongyan, head of the research team, noted that 70% of cases involving grandparent-reared children weaken the family's educational role. "If parents fail to establish a close parent-child bond before their child turns six, it can easily lead to a distant relationship later on and even trigger various psychological issues," Sun warned, urging young parents to actively participate in their children's upbringing.
Excessive Pampering Spoils the Only-Child Generation
"The biggest issue in raising the only-child generation is that grandparents tend to spoil the children excessively," stated Zhou Yongmei, Director of the Shenyang Youth Psychological Counseling Center. For many elderly individuals, raising grandchildren becomes their primary emotional anchor, making them prone to indulging the children."This is highly detrimental to a child's development, fostering selfishness, greed, and arrogance—even teaching them to shirk responsibility at a young age."
Zhou Yongmei believes that parents' excessive protection breeds dependency, severely hindering children's growth. One parent, fearing their child might fall, forbade running from an early age—resulting in a third-grade student in Shenyang who still cannot even walk briskly.
"From a child psychology perspective, children are eager to try things themselves—they find joy in experimentation. Moreover, navigating from failure to success fosters a sense of accomplishment and builds resilience. Return the world that belongs to children to them; don't deprive them of their right to happiness under the guise of protection." Zhou urges parents to learn to let go and give children the opportunity to grow independently.