American psychologist James Weed surveyed office workers and found that 50% experience anger at work. Suppressing this anger is dangerous—it breeds restlessness and even work aversion. So what should you do when you feel angry about your uncontrollable temper in the workplace?Here are some tips! Having a temper in life is perfectly normal. However, in the workplace, your temper could become a major stumbling block to your success. As the saying goes, "Haste makes waste." This couldn't be more true.
When angry, people often act without thinking, leading to consequences they may later regret deeply. Moreover, in the workplace, you inevitably have to navigate many situations and relationships, requiring careful management of interactions with colleagues and superiors. So, what should you do when you feel unusually irritable or provoked?
First, let's identify the root cause of your irritability and tendency to become a "hothead." Only by understanding the source can we find a more effective solution to address the "symptom." Some individuals may not have a bad temper in daily life, yet frequently feel irritable, angry, or even unable to manage their rage in the workplace. However, numerous factors contribute to this phenomenon. Consider which scenario applies to you.
1. Dissatisfaction with the status quo; dislike for the job
Quick question: Would quitting this job make you happier?
While the unemployed scramble relentlessly for work, many employed individuals are trapped in misery, deeply disenchanted with their workplace.Some agonize over unemployment, while others suffer under their jobs. If your work is the source of your pain, why not just quit?
But would leaving truly bring you happiness? This question deserves deep reflection.
My advice is to focus instead on "how to cultivate enjoyment in your work or how to persevere in your role."Don't attribute your suffering solely to "this job being something I dislike." Instead, strive to alleviate the pain and cultivate inner peace.Why do you get angry? There must be someone whose words or actions push you beyond tolerance, making you feel they've crossed your boundaries. But have you considered whether these actions provoke anger in everyone? Not necessarily.Some find it hard to accept, while others remain completely unaffected. If you only consider your own perspective, their actions may indeed be detestable.
Take this example: When a Jewish person shares their views on certain issues, fellow Jewish friends may believe them wholeheartedly, but Christian friends nearby might feel uncomfortable hearing it. When the president announces certain policies, people in some regions shake their heads in disapproval, while others in different regions applaud enthusiastically.
Therefore, it's not someone's words or actions that trigger your anger, but rather the illusion created by your own perspective. In other words, it's not them who make you angry, but the anger you generate within yourself after hearing their words and observing their actions. Anger arises because you believe "I am right and they are wrong." Thus, anger is essentially a reaction born from your excessive attachment to your own opinions or values.
My advice is this: to avoid anger, simply let go of the notion that "I am the one who is right." There is no absolute right or wrong in this world; what you hold as principle may seem unreasonable to others. When you feel yourself getting angry, practice self-reflection: "I'm being extreme again," "I'm thinking only I am right again." This, my friend, is true self-cultivation.
3. Your boss is unbearable—you're disappointed yet still want their attention
Quick tip: It's their life, not yours. Focus on doing your own job well!
Ms. Liu, a 30-year-old administrative assistant at a foreign company, struggles with her relationship with her female boss, often feeling irritable and restless.She says, "My female boss's mood swings 24 times a day. She acts without principles, does things on a whim, never considers others' feelings, and speaks harshly." But what truly troubles her is, "It seems the bigger problem lies with me. I constantly hope she'll recognize my abilities and notice me. I can't even bear it when she pays attention to other colleagues. After work, if I don't see her, I think: 'Yeah,she's just an ordinary person with no discernment, wandering around all day. She's actually the pitiful one who needs my recognition and admiration!' Thinking this way, I seem to understand her irritability and moodiness. But once I see her at work, I can't help but read her expressions and act accordingly. In the flustered rush, I keep making mistakes! Then my mood gets even worse."
Let's analyze Ms. Liu's issue. First, she believes her boss is problematic and that her desire to present herself well to this boss is abnormal.In reality, she erred in labeling her boss as flawed, and secondly, she needn't concern herself with her boss's opinions. So how should Ms. Liu resolve this?
First, remove your colored glasses. Understand that no matter how unbearable her words or actions may seem, they are merely words and behaviors.
Your distress and anger stem from judging another person's life by your own values. This approach doesn't mean she's tormenting you—it means you're tormenting yourself. Whatever she says or does is part of her own life, not yours. Recognize that your distress and anger are you interfering in someone else's life.
If even your own son cannot grow according to your expectations, how much less so your boss?
Secondly, "believing each person is a unique being who should live earnestly and with focus"—this sense of self-respect will actually lead you to respect others, understand them, and accept them. Thinking your boss is flawed stems from being fixated on "what I wish for." Judging the world by your own standards is a form of arrogance.When someone harbors arrogance, they inevitably descend into its opposite—humility. Just as those obsessed with power or those who despise it become humble when encountering someone more powerful.
In truth, nothing inherently possesses superiority or inferiority; such distinctions arise from comparison. And humility itself stems from comparison.