Xiaolong was a true little bully. When playing outside, he'd either push over the neighbor's little sister or kick an older boy until he cried. His mother was constantly cleaning up after his mischief, yet Xiaolong never once said "I'm sorry."
Once, Dad took Xiaolong to visit his uncle's house. Xiaolong and his cousin played "house," but soon argued over who would be the police officer. Xiaolong shoved his cousin down. She ran crying to Xiaolong's dad, "He bullied me!" Dad pulled Xiaolong over, demanding an apology. Xiaolong remained silent.Seeing his father raise a hand to strike him, Xiaolong reluctantly drew out a long, drawn-out "I'm sorry, hmph!" Seeing Xiaolong's defiant expression, his father felt both exasperated and angry.
Psychological Expert Diagnosis:
Young children often lack a sense of right and wrong, responsibility, and self-control. They may not fully recognize their mistakes or know how to correct them. As higher emotions like morality and shame develop, children gradually learn to admit and fix their errors. Parents should handle children's mistakes appropriately, avoiding harsh methods like scolding or coercion. Such approaches not only fail to help children understand their errors but can also damage their self-esteem.
Tips for Parents:
1. Teach your child to admit mistakes. If your child hasn't learned to apologize, it may be because they don't understand right and wrong—what's appropriate in daily life, why certain actions are wrong, or how to correct their mistakes. Therefore, parents should never scold impulsively. Instead, patiently explain why the action was wrong and where the mistake lies.
Admitting mistakes requires courage.If your child hesitates to admit mistakes, it might stem from fear of consequences. Parents should provide reassurance, explaining that everyone makes mistakes and that correcting them makes one a good child, thereby preventing feelings of dread.
2. Correct mistakes promptly. When your child misbehaves, address it immediately with guidance and correction. Help them understand that mistakes aren't irreversible—forgiveness follows when they make amends.Parents must avoid relentlessly criticizing or blaming children after mistakes, as this breeds defiance and encourages future excuses.
For children who apologize verbally but repeatedly misbehave, parents should focus not just on apologies but on observable behavioral changes. Thus, how parents handle mistakes matters more than the mistakes themselves.
3. Parents should learn to apologize to their children. Traditional family beliefs suggest that parents apologizing to children undermines their authority. Consequently, many parents, wanting to preserve their adult dignity, refuse to admit mistakes even when they are wrong.
Psychological research indicates that when parents admit mistakes to their children, it not only fosters harmonious family relationships but also serves as a personal example, helping children understand that everyone makes mistakes and that admitting fault is not shameful. Parents who apologize to their children do not lose dignity; rather, it often earns them greater respect.