After our daughter was born, I took primary responsibility for her care. For a long time, YuanYuan couldn't manage her own bathroom needs. This frustrated my husband and me—she was wonderful in every way, but as a toddler, she frequently wet her pants. We couldn't keep using diapers, and we worried about how she'd manage in kindergarten. So we decided to address YuanYuan's "bad habit" seriously.
First, we reasoned with her: good children don't wet themselves. YuanYuan seemed obedient, promising to tell us when she needed to go. Yet often, by the time she said "I need to pee," she'd already wet her pants.A few times, we punished her: time-outs. Strangely enough, she seemed aware she'd done wrong. During the time-out, she stood silently and obediently. But it didn't seem to stick. After the time-out, she'd still wet her pants.She'd wet herself again! My husband and I noticed and stared at her without a word. She probably knew she'd done wrong and understood we were angry. She stood completely still, looking resigned to her punishment. I still spanked her bottom. She cried, feeling wronged and deeply hurt.So my husband stepped forward: "YuanYuan, do you know why Mommy spanked you?" "I peed in my pants, and Mommy got angry," YuanYuan said through her tears. "Then why can't you remember?" he asked. She fell silent. "From now on, you must always tell Mommy or Daddy before you go to the bathroom, understand?" She nodded: "I know, Daddy."So my husband told her she could stop standing and go play. But she didn't move, just looked at me. No matter what he said, she stood there obediently, not moving an inch, her eyes fixed on me. I went over and picked her up, and only then did the little one break into a smile.
Later, my husband asked me, "Why wouldn't YuanYuan go play when I told her to after standing today?" ""Yeah, most kids punished by adults would jump at the chance to have someone speak up for them. But your daughter's reaction was unusual."
My husband chuckled, "Looks like you're the real boss around here—even our daughter only listens to you!" I smiled back, "She's just smart. You're at work most days and rarely home, while I'm with her every day. Naturally, she won't cross me. She's deliberately trying to win me over."But she knows you care about her too—she'll find chances to win you over as well. My husband looked at me skeptically: "Really? She's so young, does she think that deeply?" I chuckled: "Well, she is my daughter!" That night, just as my husband was settling down to rest, our daughter followed him with her baby voice: "Daddy, can I play with you?"
That little rascal—she's only two!