Many parents have faced the dilemma of what to do when their child takes someone else's belongings. Yet many are unsure how to handle it. Would you harshly reprimand them, fearing they might go down the wrong path? If your child confides this secret to you, would you keep it confidential?What should you do when your child takes someone else's belongings?
Would you keep it a secret if your child took something? (Public Health Network)
Recap: The Missing Airplane Model
Four-year-old Duoduo was playing with a group of children. He quickly became fascinated by one child's small airplane model. After playing with it for a while, he slipped it into his pocket when no one was looking.When the others noticed the missing toy and started searching anxiously, Dodo felt incredibly conflicted and distressed. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer and "confessed" to his mom that he had taken the airplane model. His mom paused for a moment.
Try This Approach: Help Your Child Keep Secrets
Seeing her son's distress, Mom asked, "Dodo, since the airplane model is missing, the kids can't play with it anymore. What should we do? Let's help everyone look for it." She pretended to search earnestly while watching Dodo closely. He began pacing around his backpack, and soon pulled the airplane model out.Mom took it without a word and whispered in Dodo's ear: "I'm so proud of you right now for taking responsibility. But think about this: this toy was brought for everyone to share. If you took it, would they still want to play with you? I know you regret it. This is our secret—no one else will ever know." Afterward, Mom told the other kids that Dodo had found the model, and they could all continue playing happily.
Understanding: Young children don't distinguish between yours and mine
Most children take others' belongings out of liking and curiosity. When they see something "nice" that belongs to someone else, they want one too—to look at it, play with it. Sometimes they just "borrow" it, quietly returning it after they're done.Young children don't understand that objects have owners. They don't know taking things belongs to others is wrong. If they feel they need something, they take it—they have no concept of ownership.This damages their self-esteem. When discussing the issue, never use the word "steal." Instead, describe actions like "taking something away."
2. Use role-playing during education. For example, ask them to imagine how they'd feel if someone took their favorite eraser. How would they react? What if they took something someone else cherished?Through this empathetic exercise, children learn that others feel just as upset when losing cherished items, and that taking belongings causes distress and pain. 3. After acknowledging their mistake, have the child proactively return the item. Once the child recognizes their error, parents must not dismiss it with "Let's just forget about it this time" out of concern for their own pride. Instead, accompany the child to return the item voluntarily.
Editor's Note
Parents should neither downplay this issue, assuming children will naturally learn with age and neglect guidance, nor treat it as a catastrophic crime by labeling the child a thief. Instead, explain that no matter how desirable another's belongings may be, they must never be taken without permission. Playing with or using someone else's items requires consent—a basic courtesy any well-mannered child can master.