Modern men and women fall into love as if by chance, believing romance is simply a matter of fate. In truth, love is an art form that demands meticulous crafting and constant nurturing. Without such care, the tree of love withers and bears no fruit. Indeed, it is often the withering of this tree—rather than any question of right or wrong—that leads couples to part ways.Most people in our country don't believe love is an art form. Men typically assume that as long as their wives are still having sex with them, everything is fine.Modern men often treat sex as a leisure activity, a form of relaxation, or psychological first aid when exhausted. Modern women, however, grow weary of routine, service-oriented sex. Their expectations of husbands seem less focused on intimacy and more on warmth and consideration, followed by success, financial stability, maintaining the family's standing, and providing children with a father they can be proud of.After a day of exhausting work and household chores, she just wants to catch up on sleep. Routine sex becomes an extra burden. Thus, female sexual indifference has almost become a common ailment, leaving men feeling tormented, helpless, frustrated, and humiliated.For a man of substance, this is merely a temporary setback. While he may also feel dissatisfied with the marital coldness, he will actively seek ways to change it. For instance, he might plan a couple's vacation or reduce his workload to free up time and energy for family. A wise man might even consider "changing his approach to life" to prevent career success from undermining family happiness.
However, many men lack depth, confidence, and a sense of security. For them, the absence of sex feels like a catastrophe, leaving them in a constant state of panic. They greatly exaggerate the significance of sexual intimacy.Perhaps some men have suppressed their emotions since childhood, leading to physical and mental rigidity later in life. Only sexual activity can spark a faint glimmer of vitality within them. Thus, sex becomes the sole key to unlocking their emotional doors. If that key is lost, their emotional state becomes all too clear. Further analysis suggests that a boy deprived of paternal affection in childhood may never fully escape the "Oedipus complex."After marriage, he merely transfers his attachment to his mother onto his wife. Thus, when deprived of sex, he feels deprived of love—his need for affection remains stuck in infancy. Without his wife's affection, he feels utterly lost, as if his mother had left him starving in his cradle. Men aged 35 to 45 are most prone to this sexual hunger.At this stage, men may develop depression, feeling hopeless, helpless, wronged, and weak. They might become irritable or seek stimulation and compensation outside the marriage, making extramarital affairs common among such men. Yet replacing one woman with another solves nothing, for he remains trapped within his ingrained psychological and behavioral patterns, ultimately finding himself "back in the same rut."In truth, men in this predicament don't need a woman to rescue them. What they need is to confront the root of their issues and summon the courage to emerge from this "dark night" of their existence. Men who rely on a woman's love and sex as their emotional crutch are as pitiable as those addicted to alcohol or drugs.
For such men, cultivating friendships among their peers—other men—may prove more effective in navigating life's "dark night."Advice, comfort, guidance, and education from men to men often resonate more deeply than what women offer. Of course, choosing male friends requires discernment—avoid those who share your struggles yet feed negativity, and steer clear of misogynistic extremists.
A man who has traversed the long "dark night" ceases to be a "big boy." He no longer clings to his wife like a mother-obsessed child nor acts violently. He embraces solitude with ease, maintains appropriate intimacy with his wife, cares for his children, and understands how to treat his partner as an equal. Such a man possesses the charm of a true gentleman—capable of both holding fast and letting go, of yielding when necessary.