During early childhood, a baby's brain structure matures, psychological development progresses, and language skills advance rapidly. At this stage, a child's behavior is often driven by emotions—they express feelings openly and change moods quickly, sometimes smiling moments after tears.
Scenario 1: "Fear" or "Shyness" Jie Jie, a new kindergartener, is usually cheerful, active, and gets along well with peers—a highly adaptable child. Yet when interacting with teachers, he becomes a different person: when spoken to, he immediately lowers his head as if in trouble, avoiding eye contact entirely;constantly shifting his hands and appearing extremely tense.
When asked questions, even if he had just answered loudly with his peers, the moment the teacher called on him individually, his face would flush bright red. His speech became stuttered and halting, his voice as soft as a mosquito's buzz.Why does this happen? The root cause is a lack of security—specifically, a lack of security from the teacher. Consequently, he feels extremely insecure in the teacher's presence, always cautious and timid, terrified of making mistakes. Guidance Principle: Affectionate Communication When he exhibits the above signs of tension during interactions with the teacher, first: I pretend to be unaware.I respond to his nervousness solely through body language or expressions—like gently patting his head, crouching down to look at him kindly, or smiling warmly at him. These actions indirectly convey the message "Teacher is friendly," helping to ease his unease. If we show excessive concern or directly intervene with words or questions at this point, it would only make him feel more tense and uncomfortable.
The first time I did this, Jie Jie reacted with wariness. But when I continued sending these friendly signals during the second and third encounters, he gradually shifted from skepticism to full acceptance. He began responding with a smile.
During psychological guidance, when asking him questions, I would approach him and continually encourage him through eye contact, verbal reassurance, and body language.Of course, this encouragement must be sincere enough for the child to feel it. Regardless of whether his answers were correct or incorrect, the teacher made every effort to find positive aspects to affirm him. This helped him further understand the "authenticity" of the teacher's praise. When parents came to pick him up, the teacher would tell them how wonderful he was, using phrases like, "Jiejie is doing really well."
Soon, Jie Jie's nervousness in front of the teacher eased. His responses evolved from "stammering" to "complete sentences," then progressed to "raising his hand to answer" and delivering "clear, full explanations." Sometimes, Jie Jie would even approach the teacher: flashing a smile or patting her before walking away. Though silent, this small gesture spoke volumes about his deep trust in the teacher.Therefore, as parents, we should promptly recognize our child's psychological needs and actively boost their emotional intelligence!
Scenario Two: Extreme Changes When Mom Is Present or Absent
Xiaoyu, a child in my class, was extremely dependent on her mother. At home: She behaved perfectly with the nanny, but the moment her mother returned, she clung to her relentlessly.When dropped off at kindergarten by the nanny, she is in a good mood. But if her mother brings her, Xiaoyu inevitably bursts into tears: "I want Mom! I want Mom! Mom, don't leave..." Without her mother present, Xiaoyu is sensible and reasonable; once her mother is nearby, she becomes quite willful, unreasonable, and even cries loudly.Why does Xiaoyu become a completely different child depending on whether her mother is present or not? The root cause lies in a lack of security stemming from insufficient "motherly love." Babies like Xiaoyu are quite common in everyday life. As the pace of society accelerates and living standards rise, the incidence of this phenomenon among children is increasing.Many parents, busy with work, often entrust their children to grandparents or nannies. While these children may lack nothing materially, the most crucial element for preschoolers—a mother's love—is often not guaranteed.Guiding Principle: Abundant Maternal Love Despite parents using abundant snacks, toys, and beautiful clothes as ways to convey or compensate for "maternal love," the most crucial element is often overlooked: the foundation for a child's sense of security lies in the meticulous, skin-to-skin emotional stimulation from the mother. Engaging in various heart-to-heart exchanges with the child is the prerequisite for their emotional well-being.Xiaoyu's "symptoms" clearly indicate a "maternal affection deficiency." The lack of direct parent-child communication has led to emotional deprivation, triggering insecurity in the child. This prevents the child from developing a healthy personality and emotional balance, severely impacting their emotional intelligence development.
Providing meticulous skin-to-skin emotional stimulation is the foundation for an infant's sense of security and inner peace. Simultaneously, the various forms of heart-to-heart communication a mother offers her baby are the capital for the infant's joyful embrace of life. Buying a new outfit or toy is secondary; what truly matters is dedicating ample time to play and interact with the child, fulfilling their emotional needs, and deepening the parent-child bond. This is absolutely crucial.
Symptom Three: Tough Exterior, Fragile Interior Little Kai-Kai frequently clashes with peers. Whenever his demands go unmet, he resorts to "fists" to "win." When teachers correct his behavior, he often protests with "loud wails" or directly "attacks" the teacher.
Why would such a young child be so stubborn and extreme?
Children like this often come from families with disharmonious atmospheres, or where parents exhibit harsh attitudes and inappropriate parenting methods that affect the child. This causes the child to develop a guarded and resistant mindset toward everything, which then manifests in their actions.Their outward toughness often paradoxically reveals inner sensitivity and fragility, creating a cynical and rebellious exterior.
Guiding Principle: Fostering a Harmonious Family Environment Indeed, insecurity can manifest as timidity, shyness, sensitivity, introversion, social withdrawal, and extreme stubbornness.
Therefore, for such children, parents are advised to start with themselves: gradually transition from an authoritarian parenting style to a democratic one, fostering a harmonious, democratic, and reason-based family environment. Fully leverage the role of parental "role models" to gradually guide children toward developing a calm, friendly disposition and social habits.
Editor's Summary: A child's lack of confidence, stubbornness, or mischievousness often stems from insecurity. Parents should focus on nurturing their child's self-confidence and independence, affirming their abilities at appropriate moments to strengthen the parent-child bond and help the child believe in themselves.