When Miao Miao was just a few months old, her mother learned about the concept of appreciative education.Reflecting on her own upbringing, Miao Miao's mom believed this approach was highly effective. Throughout Miao Miao's development, she consistently showered her daughter with praise: "Miao Miao is so beautiful," "Miao Miao is the best," "Miao Miao's drawings are wonderful." Growing up in this environment, the four-year-old Miao Miao became both bright and cheerfully outgoing.Gradually, however, Miao Miao's mother noticed that her daughter only wanted to hear compliments and couldn't tolerate any criticism. Once, when Miao Miao's drawing didn't receive immediate praise from her mother, she suddenly threw a tantrum, flinging all the crayons on her desk onto the floor.
Such incidents are far too common, leaving many parents perplexed. Isn't the point of appreciative education to praise children? Aren't well-behaved children supposedly raised through praise? So why do these children still exhibit various problems?
Appreciative Education Isn't the Whole Picture
Professor Yang Baozhong believes that appreciative education must be used in conjunction with other methods, such as discipline, to truly demonstrate its effectiveness.For a long time, appreciative education was revered by many parents as the ultimate guide to raising children. However, over time, its drawbacks have become increasingly apparent: children cannot tolerate any criticism, cannot endure the slightest injustice, become self-centered, refuse to listen to anyone, and react to problems by either bursting into tears or, in extreme cases, running away from home.
Professor Yang notes that in Chinese culture, child-rearing has traditionally been characterized by strictness, with love expressed in subtle ways and often accompanied by corporal punishment. As incidents stemming from corporal punishment became increasingly problematic, people began exploring new educational concepts. In the early 1990s, the concept of praise-based education was introduced but did not gain mainstream traction. Later, a parent named Zhou Hong popularized it, elevating it to the status of the sole educational theory for many parents.Indeed, appreciative education holds positive value, but overuse can lead to extremes. Avoid Generalizing Appreciation The drawbacks of appreciative education stem from two aspects. First, the unique structure of Chinese families, where children are already the center of life, combined with an excessive emphasis on appreciation, can lead to children developing a "praise addiction." Second, parents tend to generalize their appreciation for their children.Appreciation education isn't about constantly praising children whenever one feels like it; it follows principles and varies by age. Some actions are simply children's duties and responsibilities, yet parents praise them nonetheless. This shifts children's motivation to progress solely toward earning praise.
Punishment Does Not Equal Corporal Punishment
Without appropriate punishment, relying solely on appreciation education will not yield good educational results.Professor Yang emphasizes that punishment is never corporal punishment. It should not make children feel humiliated or inferior but rather teach them to take responsibility for their actions and mistakes. Punishment can take many forms—a single sentence, a look, or a gesture. A life without criticism or punishment is unrealistic, and a life that fails to handle criticism and punishment appropriately is also unhealthy.
Key principles for disciplining children
1. Always explain the reason for punishment before administering it. When explaining, focus solely on the specific incident; avoid bringing up past mistakes.Avoid disciplining children in public settings.
3. After punishment, always offer comfort. Let the child know that parents love them, but disapprove of their wrongdoing. Explain that correction will earn greater parental affection.
4. Maintain consistent words, actions, and attitudes regarding punishment. This is especially crucial between grandparents and parents, and between mothers and fathers.