Some parents complain: Why can't kids be spanked anymore? Weren't we all raised with spankings? As the old Chinese saying goes, "The rod makes the child obedient." Spanking has always been a time-tested method of discipline. Nowadays, we're bombarded with messages against spanking, yet it still works.
What Negative Effects Does Hitting Children Have in This Era? (Public Health Network)
The issue isn't that generations have changed or children have become too delicate to handle. Rather, even if the harm of hitting isn't as severe as many fear, out of compassion, we shouldn't subject our children to the same trauma we endured.
What negative effects does hitting children have?
First, children don't understand the real reasons behind being hit. But when they later explore things on their own, they feel afraid, which can stifle their spirit of inquiry as they grow up. Parents often lack sufficient understanding of child psychology. Because they don't understand, they lack techniques. Because they lack techniques, it's mentally draining. Because it's mentally draining, they lose patience. Yet parents seem to crave instant solutions.Isn't the quickest way to stop a behavior to make them afraid?
It seems every parent who hits their child understands the punishment principle of behavioral psychology: punish someone whenever they exhibit a certain behavior, and they will fear doing it again, eventually stopping out of fear.
Children are naturally curious, and one manifestation of this curiosity is a love of exploration. The consequence of this exploration is that they easily get into trouble.Children are born this way, yet parents often fixate only on behaviors that defy their expectations. They interpret these actions as personal challenges to their authority, prompting punishment. With no alternative solutions in mind—their only reference being the physical discipline they themselves endured as children or witnessed from elders—they resort to hitting, using fear to control their offspring.
Fear becomes a constant shadow. The child may "calm down," but they are now afraid and dare not "explore the new world" anymore.
Furthermore, the humiliating nature of punishment inevitably damages the child's self-esteem.Young children understand their worth through how others treat them. Being hit tells them they're bad children; being scolded reinforces that label. Punishment makes them feel worthless. Once children internalize the "bad child" label, they begin to give up on themselves. Believing they can't do anything right, they dare not try anything at all.
Furthermore, some children become increasingly disobedient and troublesome with each beating, while others remain well-behaved without ever being struck. This is because when parents hit their children, it easily breeds hostility and resentment, damaging the parent-child relationship. Simple hostility escalates into rebellion, and it becomes extremely difficult to provide positive guidance and structure for a rebellious child.Moreover, forcibly suppressing behavior may drive negative actions underground, making them "secret" and even more beyond parental control—a real spy-thriller scenario.
Finally, aggressive behavior is like a ball being kicked back and forth: you kick it to me, I kick it to him. It always needs an outlet. Children will inevitably learn by imitation, developing a need to retaliate against others.Indeed, when you punish a child, they naturally feel anger and develop a need for retaliation. If, after experiencing punishment, the child interprets it as "fists work better than reason," that's problematic. They may learn aggression from powerful role models like parents, perpetuating a vicious cycle.
On the surface, hitting children seems to stop misbehavior instantly, leading many to believe punishment works. But we've already outlined four harmful consequences of hitting children.For parents who still believe hitting is for the child's own good, perhaps this parent's account will offer perspective:
"I once knew a mother who frequently hit her child. At first, the child couldn't fight back, but eventually he struck back and told his mother, 'I didn't want to hit you. I hit you just so you could feel what it's like to be hit.' Now, the thought of my son hitting me one day is unbearable. That's why I have to manage myself now."
Of course, I'm not trying to scare parents by suggesting that hitting children now will lead them to hit back later. My point is that parents should also try to understand their children's feelings.
We often talk about putting ourselves in others' shoes. So, if we were the child, would we want to be hit?
Then, should we continue hitting our children?