A new term has recently drawn attention: "affair doctor." Reports indicate over 200 companies in Shenzhen conduct extramarital affair investigations, with a few evolving into "affair doctors" specializing in persuading third parties to withdraw, charging fees as high as tens of thousands of yuan.When a spouse has an affair, is it truly necessary to rely on others to save the marriage? Will persuading the third party to withdraw guarantee the unfaithful spouse's return? Experts emphasize that pinning hopes for marital rescue on affair doctors is misguided—only the two individuals within the marriage can genuinely resolve its crises.
Infidelity Counselors Reflect Societal Marriage Crises
"Discovering the truth hurts; failing to discover it damages the relationship"—this is how one Sina Weibo user described marriage private investigators. Today, private investigators no longer limit themselves to infidelity investigations; when necessary, they also tactfully persuade "third parties" to withdraw.
Liu Shuqing, a nationally certified Level 2 psychological counselor, explains that when private investigators uncover infidelity, clients often seek further action. Many believe evidence alone is insufficient—they demand intervention to stop the affair. This demand fuels the emergence of "affair doctors." Objectively, their existence reflects society's deep marital crisis.
Relying on Others to Remove the "Other Woman" Is a Misconception
Despite the availability of psychologists and specialized agencies, some still turn to "affair doctors." Liu Shuqing points out that private investigators excel at gathering evidence but may not be skilled at emotional mediation. Moreover, even if the other woman is persuaded to leave, the spouse's heart may not truly return, potentially leading to another affair.Therefore, whether "expelling" the third party can truly save a marriage is highly questionable. Ultimately, the third party's departure requires the unfaithful spouse's complete emotional return to the family.
Thus, while it's not opposed to letting marriage intervention agencies understand the situation and gather evidence, completely shifting the problem onto them is an escape from reality and not a fundamental solution to marital issues.
Saving a marriage requires "treating the root cause"
"The one who tied the bell must untie it." Marriage problems must be resolved by the couple themselves. Professor Cong Zhong from Peking University's Institute of Mental Health points out that while infidelity specialists may help clients uncover facts, they cannot fundamentally resolve the issue. Often, their involvement only complicates matters further. The wise approach is to start with both spouses, identifying the root cause to "treat the root cause."For instance: Has the emotional bond between partners faded, or are there substantive conflicts? Has the marriage lost its novelty over time, or did neglect of affection lead to infidelity?
Whether consulting an infidelity specialist or a psychologist, it's crucial to recognize their role is merely to accompany and assist. The true protagonists in resolving the issue are the spouses themselves. After all, marriages sustained or corrected with outside help may not prove enduring.