While mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships are often fraught, my mother and my sister-in-law get along remarkably well. They haven't raised their voices in over a decade, let alone argued. Upon reflection, I believe the key reason is that my mother is a shrewd mother-in-law.
Taking the Daughter-in-Law's Side in Conflicts
My brother has a short temper and frequently quarrels with his wife.Whenever this happens, my mother invariably sides with her daughter-in-law. There have even been times when my brother gets particularly stubborn, and she casually grabs a feather duster to give him a few swats. My brother sometimes voices his frustration: "Mom, you need to understand—I'm your son! Why are you always taking the outsider's side?"
My mother would reply sternly: "What's this talk of outsiders? Once she marries into our family, she's one of us. I support whoever is in the right. I know your temper—it's definitely your fault!"
Privately, Mom confided in me: "With my own son, I can scold him however I want—he won't hold a grudge. But with my daughter-in-law? If I scold her openly, wouldn't that make me seem unkind?"
Always praising her daughter-in-law in public and private
Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law love gathering to gossip about family matters. Naturally, most of the talk revolves around each other's faults. There's always someone with a loose tongue, and before you know it, the words get back to the person involved, sparking a big fight.
My mother never does that. She always speaks highly of her daughter-in-law—how kind-tempered, filial, and skilled she is.
Someone once asked, "Is your daughter-in-law really that wonderful?"
My mother replied, "Absolutely. She's better than my own son. She's never spoken harshly to me."
When I occasionally visit my parents' home, Mom will say in front of my sister-in-law, "See how pretty this jacket is? My daughter-in-law bought it for me."
I'll tease her, "Of course it is! Whatever she buys is always the best." Both Mom and my sister-in-law laugh.
Mom added, "No matter how good a son is, he can't compare to a daughter-in-law. When I wasn't feeling well the other day, she handled all the cooking and laundry—your brother was no help at all."
I replied, "You're truly blessed to have such a wonderful daughter-in-law."
Hearing this, my sister-in-law smiled quietly.
Urging My Sister-in-Law to Visit Her Parents at Critical Moments
My sister-in-law's mother is over seventy and in poor health. My mother often urges her to visit: "Your mother is getting old. It's hard for her to do laundry and chores. You should go see her."
During holidays, Mom always gives her money and buys her things: "Leave the house to me. Go home for a few days and spend time with your mother."
Once, when my brother was hospitalized for a minor surgery and my sister-in-law's mother had fallen and injured her leg, my sister-in-law was torn between her duties.
My mother quickly urged her to go: "Go ahead. I'll handle things here. If need be, we'll hire a caregiver. Don't worry.Tell your mom not to stress when things get tough—just take it slow. Once my son gets discharged, I'll go visit her."
With Mom acting like this, my sister-in-law had nothing to complain about. She praised Mom everywhere, and Mom became known as the neighborhood's model mother-in-law. Mom remained humble: "Two good things make one good thing—the key is that my daughter-in-law is also wonderful."