The Net—Bei Dao's one-word poem seems to say: Life is a net. As long as we are on this net, we inevitably form countless connections with others; as long as we live in this world, we can never be separated from others. Years later, though interpersonal relationships in society have undergone tremendous changes, this metaphor remains apt.Even if we choose to be "homebodies" holed up indoors with books or glued to computers surfing the web or gaming, we are constantly receiving information from others.
Our society is becoming increasingly individualistic, yet people's need for interpersonal connection grows ever stronger. "Everyone wants to autonomously construct and realize their self, but as we crave freedom, our desire to connect with others also swells."Sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann observes: "This has complicated interpersonal relationships. Once, we invested emotionally only in a few people—family, friends, and lovers."
Bringing Us Security
This complexity stems from our yearning for a more inclusive, expansive world—yet one that is also more unstable.
No one can guarantee they won't divorce, and no job is a sure thing. "Therefore, it's essential to invest in multiple relationships simultaneously, weaving a protective net around oneself," explains social psychologist Dominique Picard. "Today, everyone knows you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket."
Thus, our schedules constantly juggle various relationships.We must make time for partners and family, occasionally meet new friends and colleagues, and regularly connect with old friends; reminisce about the good old days with former classmates while also pursuing an MBA to expand professional networks; it's essential to maintain relationships built through social circles and workplaces, and volunteering for environmental organizations is equally important; we need to carve out time for fitness and exercise, plus enjoy shopping trips with girlfriends...Human nature is infinitely rich, and interpersonal relationships are infinitely malleable. Pursuing practical, diverse connections reflects a desire to fulfill multifaceted needs and develop one's multifaceted personality. As we cultivate multiple relationships, we seem to gain a stronger grip on our own lives. At 34, Fang Fang decided to breathe fresh air into her marriage by expanding her social circle."I regularly attend psychological workshops. Not only does this prevent me from transferring my worries onto my husband, but it also allows me to meet many unique friends. Being with them, I've learned to understand myself in a different way."
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Quality Over Quantity
Compared to our parents' generation, our social circles are broader, and we know more people.But upon reflection, many of these connections might only be work relationships. Opening MSN and seeing hundreds of little avatars—how many are friends with whom we can share our feelings? Holding a stack of business cards, yet half of those people we'll likely never see again. We don't interact frequently with most of our friends. We may call them "brothers and sisters," but deep down, we're not sure if these relationships would stand the test of time.
Having many friends is undoubtedly a good thing. Yet why, even with a social network of friends and acquaintances, do we still feel unsatisfied and lonely? Perhaps simply increasing the number of people we interact with doesn't lead to fulfilling relationships. When it comes to interpersonal connections, quality matters more than quantity. Once we've built a certain social network, maybe it's time to shift focus toward developing deeper, higher-quality relationships.
Can we truly invest ourselves in them?
Practical and diverse relationships also pose a question: When we selectively pick and choose within our networks based on our needs, can we truly commit?
Today, people can make friends, find love, and share dreams, passions, and problems with just a click of the mouse. But as psychoanalyst Miguel Benasayag points out:On the internet, people can communicate instantly, yet they may not establish genuine connections. In this narcissistic society, people are actually seeking others who resemble themselves."
Even interactions with old friends often begin tentatively with "How have you been?" We always feel they have more important things to do, fearing we might disturb them—whether we want to share good news or need someone to share our troubles.To avoid disturbing or hurting the other person, we choose to maintain a distance in our interactions, believing this is a sign of consideration. In reality, isn't this also a manifestation of our own lack of confidence, distrust of others, and fear of being hurt?
In Jean-Claude Kaufmann's view, our "interest in others" is accompanied by a cautious mindset characterized by a fear of commitment and a desire for control."People want to connect with others but resist being bound by these relationships. The more connections they make, the less willing they are to truly commit. To surround oneself with others, one must learn to select, organize, and manage their social network while also investing in it and extending trust to others."

Communication Brings Fulfillment
So how does one choose positive, beneficial relationships? Dominique Picard specifically highlights one approach: seeking out those who are both similar to and complementary to oneself. "Relationships that bring fulfillment not only meet our needs but must also be built on communication. For it is only through communication that people can enrich themselves and truly establish connections."
Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote in Living Well: "A beneficial relationship must meet two conditions: First, 'my' goals must be compatible with the goals of others; second, both parties must be willing to make efforts to achieve each other's goals."
Generous character and clear-headedness foster good relationships precisely because they connect both similar and dissimilar people.
Online Testimony: Who Touched Your Heart?
Good relationships bring us happiness and fulfillment. In your recent interactions, what people or events moved you most? Readers of Psychology Monthly share their heartfelt moments with you.
An Unexpected Hug (yyyg)
My student had already graduated, so I never imagined she'd visit me on my birthday. She walked into my office, and before I could recognize her, she exclaimed, "Teacher, I've missed you so much!" Then she gave me a hug I wasn't expecting.That embrace moved me deeply, filling me with an unprecedented sense of happiness—it gave me a fresh perspective on my profession and helped me find joy amidst my demanding workload. Thank you to this student, thank you for that unexpected hug. I will cherish it forever.
My Husband Forgave My Affair (The Little Mermaid of Copenhagen)
Four years into our marriage, I had an affair. I couldn't stand my husband's lack of consideration or the loneliness of marriage.I never truly wanted to leave him. I kept cutting off the affair, only to find myself drawn back in. I always believed my husband remained unaware. One evening after dinner, he unexpectedly turned off the lights, lit the candlesticks, and poured out his pain.
That night, we poured out everything we'd kept bottled up for years. We held each other and wept, repeating "I'm sorry" countless times. For the first time, I heard my husband declare his love for me with heart-wrenching sincerity!
The Door Opens Again (Deep in the Night)
I rushed out the door just as the elevator doors were closing. Hopeless, I started for the stairs—but then the doors slid open again.I saw a face with a gentle smile. Though the girl said nothing, her kindness moved me, and that unspoken understanding lingered in my heart. That smile is forever etched in my memory. I will carry this warmth and care forward!
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Egg in the Bedding